Steve Jobs Reincarnated As a Warrior-Philosopher, Thai Group Says 223
Velcroman1 writes "When Apple founder Steve Jobs died after a long fight with cancer last year, software engineer Tony Tseung sent an email to a Buddhist group in Thailand to find out what happened to his old boss now that he's no longer of this world. This month, Tseung received his answer. Jobs has been reincarnated as a celestial warrior-philosopher, the Dhammakaya group said in a special television broadcast, and he's living in a mystical glass palace hovering above his old office at Apple's Cupertino, Calif. headquarters."
Who gives a fuck? (Score:5, Insightful)
We're really so obsessed with Apple that the after-life of it's CEO can make the front page?
News for Nerds, Stuff that Doesn't Fucking Matter At All
Re:Who gives a fuck? (Score:5, Funny)
You scoff now, but in a year all the dead founders will have suspiciously similar glass palaces over their former headquarters, and you'll all be claiming the design is obvious and no one could design a decent afterlife without it.
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Re:Who gives a fuck? (Score:5, Funny)
You scoff now, but in a year all the dead founders will have suspiciously similar glass palaces over their former headquarters, and you'll all be claiming the design is obvious and no one could design a decent afterlife without it.
As long as you do not design your glass palace in the shape of rectangle with rounded corners you'll be fine...
... or fined
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You're absolutely right. However, it would have been interesting to know if he had reincarnated as a Foxconn employee though.
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Yeah, but then you would have probably never learned about Steve's past lives.
I mean, come on, how often do you get to see renderings of someone's previous AND future incarnations, [www.dmc.tv] including them beating someone to death with their bare hands. [www.dmc.tv]
Re:Who gives a fuck? (Score:5, Insightful)
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What is easier :
Re:Who gives a fuck? (Score:4, Funny)
3- Smash some windows
Re:Who gives a fuck? (Score:4, Funny)
Don't forget: They are android penguins. Probably they dream of electric fish!
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Settlements (Score:2)
Just because you have some patents doesn't mean that they are valid or enforceable.
Just because you've convinced some companies to license your patents and pay you royalties doesn't mean that they are valid or enforceable.
The android phone manufacturers that pay MS royalties simply decided that just paying the royalty would be less expensive than fighting the legal battle to (possibly) prove the patents in question invalid. This means that there is, so far, no evidence that the patents in question have any
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Just because you have some patents doesn't mean that they are valid or enforceable.
Just because you've convinced some companies to license your patents and pay you royalties doesn't mean that they are valid or enforceable.
That's pretty much EXACTLY what that means. If you remember (which of course you don't) early versions of Android did not have multi-touch. Android being designed as a Blackberry competitor didn't need it. So Apple uses multi-touch as a main point on their iPhone and suddenly Google adds it. Google doesn't actually infringe on any of these because they don't make their own hardware nor do they sell Android. In the end, manufacturers are free to remove the infringing features from their product, after all, A
Re:Who gives a fuck? (Score:4, Informative)
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Dvorak? Even a blind nut finds a squirrel once a day.
John C. Dvorak (Score:3)
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Re:Who gives a fuck? (Score:4, Informative)
That is one interpretation. Depending on the school of Buddhism or Hinduism the interpretations vary. As Alan Watts has pointed out, "Karma" means work or action and that's all it means. Whether the results of your karma are tit-for-tat, nonexistent, on credit or part of a divine system of justice really depends on which robed figure you follow and which mythical creatures you believe in.
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Actually, nothing fucking happens because religion is bullshit.
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Actually, nothing fucking happens because religion is bullshit.
Actually, parsing your grammar a bit differently, quite a lot happens because religion is bullshit.
:-P
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sigh* no...Karma determines what happens to you in the next life. It has zippo to do with this life. In this life you accumulate karma (or don't, that's why priests sit on mountaintops and do nothing, to avoid karma) and it determines what you become after your death.
I've been wondering if I were to post something offensive or trollish as anonymous coward will it cost me karma? On slashdot? In my next life? Are the systems integrated? What if I posted the same garbage without ticking the Post Anonymously button? Would this have a different effect on my next life?
Are there cool things you can be that require you to have less than excellent karma to qualify for?
For example if I wanted to be a four headed fire breathing dragon and my (formerly) excellent karma meant I
Re:Who gives a fuck? (Score:5, Insightful)
I'm reading the Jobs bio right now, and it really illuminated the fact that he was always a dick. From a very young age. But he was a dick who had vision. The Macintosh would've never even been made at Apple had Jobs not bullied and yelled his way to victory. But he had no scruples or ethics; he was like the personification of Nietzsche's works. It didn't matter how much you had done for him, he would turn around and stab you if he felt like you were no longer on 'his team'. He screwed Woz over so much that he refused to work with Jobs again. If Schmidt had done his research, he would've known how Jobs would react. It was another psychological trigger for his [biological] parental abandonment that this guy Jobs had welcomed on the board at Apple was now suddenly going to compete directly against Jobs. It was a constant in his life, finding these father figures who would then turn on him (usually because Jobs was an asshole) and he'd go insane. He should've known Jobs would go ballistic and press the red button.
So, you can hate Jobs for being a dick. He had a lot of character flaws: flaws that made him succeed as an outsider in a very tough corporate game, and made his teams create some stellar products, but also emotionally wound many people in his life. But Steve suing Android -- I think it was psychological stuff he never dealt with. He felt abandoned and attacked in his relationship with Schmidt, and so he lashed out with great anger, as he had done many times throughout his career. He was a brilliant but very psychologically troubled man.
I do think though that his trip to India and the LSD and Zen meditation, it was all kind of bullshit. The contradictions between that lifestyle and the way he treated others, it's inexcusable. But you know, many of his generation are the same way. They like to think they still embrace hippie culture, like they all share a secret everyone else doesn't have, but it's very superficial.
But to say Steve "got what he deserved" and attributing that to karma... man, Steve was not a great guy, but not someone that death should be wished upon. And that's not what karma is about. It's not some kind of cosmic schadenfreude. You seem to have a lot of anger in you that you'd be so worked up over a phone. There's more important things in life.
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Karma is when the stupid decisions you make in life (trying to treat cancer with herbal remedies) leads to reality kicking your butt (you die).
It's not judgmental. It's just fact.
The world is a better place with him dead (Score:5, Informative)
Then who deserves to die? You are just another wannabe hippy. Someone who doesn't love all but who is just to afraid to just admit some people deserve dead. Your like those people who are against the death penalty, not because they believe in human beings but because they don't want to take responsibility.
We are talking about a man who parked in handicap spaces when he could have build his office to have a drive in office if he wanted to. This person had zero morals and zero empathy. The only people that love him, everyone close to him (READ the reactions to his dead carefully) pretty much said "interesting guy, but ain't gonna shed a tear). Their would have been more reaction of a toaster had stopped working. A human being did not die, a thing died that made some fancy gadgets that will only be remembered in marketing books.
People say that nobody says that on they wished they spent more time in the office on their deathbed. I think Steve Jobs wished he did.
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Then who deserves to die? You are just another wannabe hippy. Someone who doesn't love all but who is just to afraid to just admit some people deserve dead.
So, let's see if I got what you are saying -- if you don't "love all" that means you absolutely hate some people so much that you must believe they deserve death. That there can be no middle ground where even really big jerks don't deserve death. Where parking in handicap spaces should mark one for death.
Sounds like you live in a really shitty universe.
Re:The world is a better place with him dead (Score:5, Insightful)
Take responsibility in what way, exactly speaking? If an innocent man gets sent to his death, as has happened, who gets punished in what way? Does the jury follow him to the grave? Do all supporters of death penalty draw lots to see who gets to carry the responsibility of an innocent dying? And for that matter, should some philosopher/prophet/whatever come up with an airtight argument for death penalty being wrong even when the accused really is guilty of heinous crimes, will they all turn yourselfs over for whatever punishment murder would then get?
Or, as is usually the case, does "taking responsibility" mean absolutely nothing?
Also, I find your idea of sticking a zombie horde on the deserving intriguing. Does the amount of chainsaw fuel inversely depend on the seriousness of the infraction? Or should we simply vary the ratio of quick and slow zombies?
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That's what you get for working at an Apple store. OTOH wishing eternal torment on someone who has ceased to be seems immature to me.
Re:Who gives a fuck? (Score:5, Funny)
I do think though that his trip to India and the LSD and Zen meditation, it was all kind of bullshit.
But he does have a sweet glass palace now.
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Don't hate the truth. (Score:2)
I can understand why Steve Jobs would be upset over the whole Android thing. I don't think it's the right way to handle it, but that's easy for people like me and you to say, since it's not our product.
Everyone has flaws, it's really nothing to be pissed over. At least Jobs went after big companies instead of buying out and shuttering small potential compeditors the way MSFT did. But he was a complicated man, and he had the good sense to have that recorded for posterity. If he hadent worked to have that bio
Or was he proud of it (Score:2)
You presume he saw his own bio the way you did it, as a rather sad man who thought money was everything and whose death was ultimately received as "well, it ain't only the good that die young". Did he see himself as a vindictive petty minded asshole OR did he read it as a glorious tribute to his vision proving how right he was and how wrong everyone else was?
IF the bio is true, the picture it reveals is not of a man with a lot of introspective capability.
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and he died from it too by exclusively using alternative medicine to treat a cancer.
From what I understand, his particular cancer was considered untreatable. The cheaper thing would have been no treatment aside from pain treatment and psychological counseling, but that's not exactly human nature. At least, alternative medicine would have helped emotionally and perhaps physically through the placebo effect.
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Re incarnation (Score:4, Funny)
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Yes But (Score:3, Funny)
Does it have rounded corners?
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Yeah. He got a patent on it so nobody else can have one.
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It's the prophecy! (Score:2, Funny)
Finally the one who will be a match for the Philosoraptor.
In other words... (Score:5, Funny)
In other words,
... Steve jobs has been uploaded to the iCloud.
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+5 funny! Just ran out of mod points, and then I see this. Well played!
iReincarnation (Score:2)
Who'd have thought... (Score:3)
...that there'd be Buddhist trolls. I imagine after they he sent this answer to Tseung, they had a really good belly laugh... "Yeah, I told him that Steve Jobs was reincarnated into an invisible glass house above his former office. And I said when they built the new office, he'd take up a position directly over the center, so he could survey all his creation."
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They also advised not to throw rocks in that general vicinity as it will break his glass house and invisible glass is a bitch to clean up.
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Naw, let me try to voice a bit of sensitivity.
Let's just say that the arts of dissecting fundamentalist faiths was perfected during the 20th century, so they are here since the start of the 21st. Those monks were not trolling, it was probably a really "classical" answer to the question. The deep problem with truly fundamental classical religious thought is that by this age, we've lost the respect for the old ways. Of course he's not in a "fancy glass house" at 192487 Dharma Boulevard. I'd garner that there'
Try this. See if it's a parable. (Score:2)
http://blogs.wsj.com/searealtime/2012/08/31/thai-group-says-steve-jobs-reincarnated-as-warrior-philosopher/ [wsj.com]
Appleâ(TM)s mantra of using technology to bring people closer together also dovetails neatly with the teachings of the orange-robed monks at the Dhammakaya Temple.
They preach a worldly, tech-savvy form of Buddhism which instructs worshipers that it isnâ(TM)t a sin to grow rich, as long as they contribute a chunk of their earnings to the Dhammakaya cause.
Material possessions are cool. Just give us money.
Among other things, he has said the reincarnated Mr. Jobs spends much of his time lounging in a glass palace resembling an Apple store. Phra Chaibul also has said the being formerly known as Steve Jobs is attended by 20 servants, who seem to resemble the Apple store âGeniusesâ(TM)
The spiritual rewards also appear to be worth the effort, at least according to Phra Chaibul. He says that Mr. Jobs now enjoys sleeping on a floating hover-bed, and when he thinks of a piece of music he would like to hear, it automatically plays. If he is hungry, an aide quickly brings him a tasty treat.
âoeEverything is high-tech, beautiful, and simple, exactly the way he likes it, and he is filled with great excitement and amazement,â Phra Chaibul says. In fact, the technology surrounding the reincarnated Mr. Jobs works so seamlessly that he has no reason to âoebare his canine teethâ or otherwise exercise the hot temper for which he was known on earth.
Whatâ(TM)s more, Mr. Jobs was reborn in a younger, more handsome form. Phra Chaibul says he now appears to be around 35 to 40 years old, with a full head of hair. Artist renderings accompanying Phra Chaibulâ(TM)s lectures show a rejuvenated Mr. Jobs living in a photo-shopped, air-brushed utopia where he hangs out with other sprites and revels in the achievements of friends and colleagues he left behind on earth.
What does a celestial warrior-philosopher need with servants?
Or glass palaces? Or floating hover-beds? Or tasty treats? Or hair?
Or pathetically "younger" body of 35-40? Why not go for a viral 19-21 with a wisdom of several lifetimes?
Probably cause the above mentioned Phra Chaibul is 68 and 35 seems to his unimaginative mind (Really? Afterlife apex for
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If you're just going to interpret what they say however you want, why bother listening to "parables"? At worst these people are insane, at best they are irrelevant and useless. Why shouldn't we have lost "lost respect for the old ways"?
Mystical groups that us TV broadcasts (Score:2)
They're lying (Score:3)
My numerological and astrological calculations clearly show that Steve Jobs's next incarnation will be as a kitten that I'm going to purchase from a pet shop in suburban Melbourne (NO, I'm not going to say exactly where) in July 2017.
That gives me time to get the lawyers started on getting inheritance rights for reincarnations. Jobsy the kitten will deserve the best in life, and he's earned it already.
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My numerological and astrological calculations clearly show that Steve Jobs's next incarnation will be as a kitten that I'm going to purchase from a pet shop in suburban Melbourne (NO, I'm not going to say exactly where) in July 2017.
That gives me time to get the lawyers started on getting inheritance rights for reincarnations. Jobsy the kitten will deserve the best in life, and he's earned it already.
Good of you to post the date. *starts plotting to deviously pre-empt you in June 2017*
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perhaps his preemptive strike triggers a series of event that in fact lead to jobsy the kitten being born at the correct time and place and ending up with his destined owner.
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Statistically, if you believed in reincarnation, your chances are well over 60% that you would get reborn in Africa, India, China, etc with barely enough food to live to be 30... If you werent one of the millions of children that die starving and sick by age 5. globally, your chances of seein AN APPLE, ever, after reincarnation are pretty poor... Let alone the fruity logo.
Warrior philosopher? (Score:2)
How exactly does this group know that a baby is going to be a warrior or a philosopher when it is not even a year old? Let alone being Jobs Himself?
If Steve Jobs had been reincarnated it would have to happen after Steve is dead, and so any baby born after the moment of his death is a candidate.
But this is one hell of an extraordinary claim to make, so lets see if they have some extraordinary evidence to support this claim, then we can that the thought seriously.
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Sigh, if only Slashdot had a post edit feature like everybody else.
"take that thought seriously"
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No philosopher worthy of the title would ever be a warrior.
WTF?
I don't even know where to begin...
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Um, Sun Tzu called he wanted to know what planet you happen to live on.
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Shaolin Temples? Monks? Martial Arts? I.E Lifestyle? Philosophy? Yes, so out of touch are we. Some reading may help you with your ailment of cluelessness.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_martial_arts [wikipedia.org]
Jump to the bit about how its all structured on Chinese philosophy and also the section on mediation.
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You are ignornant and uneducated, there are many famous warrior philosophers, especially in asia. Of course a philosopher dosen't have do be a pacifist, and of course there is a proper and legitimate time for violence including warfare.
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Every student should at least recognize the name Sun Tzu and his work "Art of War"
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They aren't saying he's on this plane of existence, but a higher one. I'm no expert but looking at the eightfold path and the noble truths it seems hard to believe that he might have "levelled up" by those rules.
They found the baby seat in a Mercedes SL55 AMG (Score:5, Funny)
Great Karma (Score:4, Funny)
I too once had a great Karma, a Karma Ghia. It too was reincarnated many times. When I got my Karma, it had no compression. I had traded an old Dodge for it, which had no brakes.
When we pulled the oil drain and peered inside, we saw quite a mess. Little chunks of twisted metal everywhere. It was terminal. So we just put the oil drain back, and drove the Hell out of it for five years, occasionally adding oil and gasoline.
It was quite an Educator- I taught four people how to drive in it. It had a nose of Wonder; it was crushed beyond recognition when my two sisters managed to sequentially run it head on into both a Citroen Maserati and a Ferrari 250GT. The other two cars were undamaged.
It never managed to hover. It did manage to float down a steep muddy hillside. There were mushrooms growing on the back package tray.
The coil was held in place with a shoelace, and the battery was kept from dragging on the ground with several layers of deteriorated cardboard stashed underneath.
I don't know its inevitable demise, it was passed on from family to friend, to friend, to friends of friends, to whoever; only the All Knowing DMV in the Sky knows for sure.
My Karma wasn't Buddhist. I think that it might have been a Lutheran.
Karma (Score:5, Insightful)
If anything, he should be reincarnated as a Chinese iPhone assembly line worker.
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Or a person in a wheelchair that can't find a place to park.
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Both, actually.
They pay them slightly less than the amount needed to buy a hacksaw.
Pondering (Score:3)
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or its a load of crap to comfort people
a quick (and faulted) primer on bhuddist cosology (Score:5, Funny)
Ok, if Jobs is floating over his OLD OFFICE, that means he was incarnated as a hungry ghost!
See, in bhuddist cosmology, there are various gradients of existence. This world, our world, represents the crossroads between the celestial heavens, and the hellish naraka. (Those are plural. There are many of each.)
The important thing of note here, is that the priests say he was incarnated above his old office. This means here, on the mortal realm.
In the mortal realm, there are 3 potential kinds of incarnation: Human, Hungry ghost, and Animal.
Since he is incorporeal, and in the mortal realm, that means he is a hungry ghost. Hungry ghosts are called that, because they have big appetites, but lack any real means to sate them. They are a pitiable form of existence, but can also cause serious problems, such as hauntings.
Wiki on hungry ghosts [wikipedia.org]
That he would incarnate into a LOWER incarnation implies he had BAD karma, but not quite sufficient to send him to one of the naraka. (Though the burning flesh naraka might be appropriate if you ask me.)
So, if you work at apple, you should attempt to appease the late Jobs, by leaving offerings of unmarked bills, and the latest iDevice on his desk. Failing to do so will anger the hungry ghot, and there will be trouble. Burning incense may help as well. But not sandalwood. It's tacky.
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There's no such thing as "bhuddist cosmology" there being many different schools and branches of Buddhism, which can vary wildly in their spiritual beliefs. Without knowing what school these monks belong to its difficult to interpret their words.
There's more to the world than what's on wikipedia.
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No, this particular temple has him reborn as a Yaksha:
Yaksha (Sanskrit: ààà¥à yaká£a)[1] is the name of a broad class of nature-spirits, usually benevolent, who are caretakers of the natural treasures hidden in the earth and tree roots. [wikipedia.org]
I'm not being flip here, but it essentially reminds me of a Leprechaun.
"In Hindu, Jain, and Buddhist mythology, the yaká£a has a dual personality. On the one hand, a yaká£a may be an inoffensive nature-fairy, associated
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By the way, for obvious reasons, I really, really like this religion.
If only I could believe in things other than boring old science, I'd be signing up!
He often visited there while still alive . . . (Score:2)
Steve Jobs stimulated his creativity by "Going to the Magic Kingdom" while tripping his balls off on acid, back in the 70's, when it was still OK for CEO's to trip their balls off on acid.
Nowadays, most CEO's just act like they should "get their lips away from the crack pipe!"
Does he have... (Score:2)
obligatory: (Score:2)
:They took our Jobs!
Oooo....Kay... (Score:3)
Ok, you want to play that game, let me see if I can do it. Jobs may have been a very successful man, which would indicate a fairly high amount of Karma. But as tweaked as he got about Android, I don't think he was Crystal Palace material. Maybe brushed aluminium material... Personally, I think he was reincarnated at CowboyNeal. Did you notice that we saw a bunch of articles from CowboyNeal right after he died? And since Slashdot has the limit on Karma, Steve could have been tweaked at Android and still be "Excellent"!
Snooki's baby (Score:2)
He came back as Snooki's baby, but I guess that and warrior-philosopher
don't have to be mutually exclusive.
Sept vs April (Score:2)
Re:Thanks for that (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Thanks for that (Score:5, Insightful)
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Only because there is no category for stupid.
Then it is in the right category ;) (Apple)
Re:Sociopath war monger idiot. (Score:5, Insightful)
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Don't worry, Apple no matter what can do no wrong. Never any wrong. Just ask the people making Apple stuff who keep jumping to their deaths.
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I certainly didn't like Jobs either, but that's just a bit too insensitive, IMO.
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He didn't play within the rules of society. He went against it.
Hmm... I guess that covers the "philosopher" side.
He stole a liver to which he wasn't entitled. He declared a thermonuclear war on android.
And this the "warrior" one. :-)
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but how many current dictatorships have seen a full fifth of their population starve to death while the ruling class gets fat in the last 20 years?
Sounds a bit like the US. Have you seen what proportion of people are living in genuine poverty there? And these are people who call themselves "middle class" but work eighty hour weeks as a routine, just to keep food on the table.
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Jesus Christ? If he had worshipped Jesus Christ he'd now be a meek angel plucking at a harp. At least multiclass warrior-philosophers can hope to get laid now and then. And kick the ass of anyone who disputes their philosophy.
At least he didn't worship Inugami [wikipedia.org] the Dog-God. If he had, he'd now be humping some warrior-philosopher's leg.
Re:Jesus Christ... (Score:5, Insightful)
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FSM followers go to the Great Pasta Bowl [wikia.com] where they enjoy enjoy stripper factories & beer volcanoes for all eternity. Steve Jobs might make a guest appearance as a meatball.
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You're ignoring the fact that angels are consistently described in Christian scriptures as warriors. The first angel mentioned as such in the bible held a flaming sword and the nativity was announced by a host (i.e. an army) of angels.
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That sounds elegant, but you gotta remember that Inter-Process Communication between human brains is so bad it's laughable. a hundred million fragments of Jobs, never able to connect into anything even slightly resembling who he really was.
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+5 funny