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Steve Jobs Reincarnated As a Warrior-Philosopher, Thai Group Says 223

Velcroman1 writes "When Apple founder Steve Jobs died after a long fight with cancer last year, software engineer Tony Tseung sent an email to a Buddhist group in Thailand to find out what happened to his old boss now that he's no longer of this world. This month, Tseung received his answer. Jobs has been reincarnated as a celestial warrior-philosopher, the Dhammakaya group said in a special television broadcast, and he's living in a mystical glass palace hovering above his old office at Apple's Cupertino, Calif. headquarters."
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Steve Jobs Reincarnated As a Warrior-Philosopher, Thai Group Says

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  • Who gives a fuck? (Score:5, Insightful)

    by RobinEggs ( 1453925 ) on Friday August 31, 2012 @11:08PM (#41197005)
    This isn't even posted under Idle; it's posted under Apple.

    We're really so obsessed with Apple that the after-life of it's CEO can make the front page?

    News for Nerds, Stuff that Doesn't Fucking Matter At All
    • by Anonymous Coward on Friday August 31, 2012 @11:30PM (#41197169)

      You scoff now, but in a year all the dead founders will have suspiciously similar glass palaces over their former headquarters, and you'll all be claiming the design is obvious and no one could design a decent afterlife without it.

      • by gagol ( 583737 )
        I went from techno-literate urbanite, to a country living human who is enclined technologically, raising his own food. The deep core of Steve Jobs was a little bit how I became, but he ventured away from the true path of nature living! And yes, I live my life with technology, only I have some real good nice time to think about my solutions while feeding animals...
      • by Taco Cowboy ( 5327 ) on Saturday September 01, 2012 @01:29AM (#41197749) Journal

        You scoff now, but in a year all the dead founders will have suspiciously similar glass palaces over their former headquarters, and you'll all be claiming the design is obvious and no one could design a decent afterlife without it.

        As long as you do not design your glass palace in the shape of rectangle with rounded corners you'll be fine...
        ... or fined

    • You're absolutely right. However, it would have been interesting to know if he had reincarnated as a Foxconn employee though.

    • Yeah, but then you would have probably never learned about Steve's past lives.

      I mean, come on, how often do you get to see renderings of someone's previous AND future incarnations, [] including them beating someone to death with their bare hands. []

  • by ozduo ( 2043408 ) on Friday August 31, 2012 @11:09PM (#41197013)
    I'd like to come back as a tablecloth. Laid three times a day then pulled off afterwards. HA HA!
    • by siddesu ( 698447 )
      Tablecloth reincarnations have sold out, but we are glad to announce the unique Loincloth of Jobs the Warrior Philosopher Reincarnation. Applications are accepted to the left with a certified proof of purchase of any Apple product in the past 6 months. To get your certification for the insignificant $25 fee, bring your receipt to any Genius Bar today.
  • Yes But (Score:3, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Friday August 31, 2012 @11:09PM (#41197017)

    Does it have rounded corners?

    • by siddesu ( 698447 )
      The glass palace? Most certainly, and all the flats are all touch surfaces.
    • by Nemyst ( 1383049 )

      Yeah. He got a patent on it so nobody else can have one.

    • You know, the whole "rounded corners" thing is like the old "your holding it wrong" thing. Funny for a while, then not funny any more. In this case, the funny stopped last Thursday.
  • Finally the one who will be a match for the Philosoraptor.

  • by mrsam ( 12205 ) on Friday August 31, 2012 @11:11PM (#41197035) Homepage

    In other words,

    /me puts on his sunglasses

    ... Steve jobs has been uploaded to the iCloud.

  • Those Buddhists are in trouble now. I have it on good authority that Apple has patented the iReincarnation app. They are going to have the same fate as Samsung in the next American trial!
  • by russotto ( 537200 ) on Friday August 31, 2012 @11:13PM (#41197053) Journal

    ...that there'd be Buddhist trolls. I imagine after they he sent this answer to Tseung, they had a really good belly laugh... "Yeah, I told him that Steve Jobs was reincarnated into an invisible glass house above his former office. And I said when they built the new office, he'd take up a position directly over the center, so he could survey all his creation."

    • by stms ( 1132653 )

      They also advised not to throw rocks in that general vicinity as it will break his glass house and invisible glass is a bitch to clean up.

    • Naw, let me try to voice a bit of sensitivity.

      Let's just say that the arts of dissecting fundamentalist faiths was perfected during the 20th century, so they are here since the start of the 21st. Those monks were not trolling, it was probably a really "classical" answer to the question. The deep problem with truly fundamental classical religious thought is that by this age, we've lost the respect for the old ways. Of course he's not in a "fancy glass house" at 192487 Dharma Boulevard. I'd garner that there'

      • []

        Appleâ(TM)s mantra of using technology to bring people closer together also dovetails neatly with the teachings of the orange-robed monks at the Dhammakaya Temple.
        They preach a worldly, tech-savvy form of Buddhism which instructs worshipers that it isnâ(TM)t a sin to grow rich, as long as they contribute a chunk of their earnings to the Dhammakaya cause.

        Material possessions are cool. Just give us money.

        Among other things, he has said the reincarnated Mr. Jobs spends much of his time lounging in a glass palace resembling an Apple store. Phra Chaibul also has said the being formerly known as Steve Jobs is attended by 20 servants, who seem to resemble the Apple store âGeniusesâ(TM)

        The spiritual rewards also appear to be worth the effort, at least according to Phra Chaibul. He says that Mr. Jobs now enjoys sleeping on a floating hover-bed, and when he thinks of a piece of music he would like to hear, it automatically plays. If he is hungry, an aide quickly brings him a tasty treat.

        âoeEverything is high-tech, beautiful, and simple, exactly the way he likes it, and he is filled with great excitement and amazement,â Phra Chaibul says. In fact, the technology surrounding the reincarnated Mr. Jobs works so seamlessly that he has no reason to âoebare his canine teethâ or otherwise exercise the hot temper for which he was known on earth.

        Whatâ(TM)s more, Mr. Jobs was reborn in a younger, more handsome form. Phra Chaibul says he now appears to be around 35 to 40 years old, with a full head of hair. Artist renderings accompanying Phra Chaibulâ(TM)s lectures show a rejuvenated Mr. Jobs living in a photo-shopped, air-brushed utopia where he hangs out with other sprites and revels in the achievements of friends and colleagues he left behind on earth.

        What does a celestial warrior-philosopher need with servants?
        Or glass palaces? Or floating hover-beds? Or tasty treats? Or hair?
        Or pathetically "younger" body of 35-40? Why not go for a viral 19-21 with a wisdom of several lifetimes?

        Probably cause the above mentioned Phra Chaibul is 68 and 35 seems to his unimaginative mind (Really? Afterlife apex for

      • by Hatta ( 162192 )

        If you're just going to interpret what they say however you want, why bother listening to "parables"? At worst these people are insane, at best they are irrelevant and useless. Why shouldn't we have lost "lost respect for the old ways"?

  • Well, these monkeys may believe in reincarnation, but at least they don't believe in karma.
  • by cas2000 ( 148703 ) on Friday August 31, 2012 @11:17PM (#41197075)

    My numerological and astrological calculations clearly show that Steve Jobs's next incarnation will be as a kitten that I'm going to purchase from a pet shop in suburban Melbourne (NO, I'm not going to say exactly where) in July 2017.

    That gives me time to get the lawyers started on getting inheritance rights for reincarnations. Jobsy the kitten will deserve the best in life, and he's earned it already.

    • My numerological and astrological calculations clearly show that Steve Jobs's next incarnation will be as a kitten that I'm going to purchase from a pet shop in suburban Melbourne (NO, I'm not going to say exactly where) in July 2017.

      That gives me time to get the lawyers started on getting inheritance rights for reincarnations. Jobsy the kitten will deserve the best in life, and he's earned it already.

      Good of you to post the date. *starts plotting to deviously pre-empt you in June 2017*

    • Statistically, if you believed in reincarnation, your chances are well over 60% that you would get reborn in Africa, India, China, etc with barely enough food to live to be 30... If you werent one of the millions of children that die starving and sick by age 5. globally, your chances of seein AN APPLE, ever, after reincarnation are pretty poor... Let alone the fruity logo.

  • How exactly does this group know that a baby is going to be a warrior or a philosopher when it is not even a year old? Let alone being Jobs Himself?

    If Steve Jobs had been reincarnated it would have to happen after Steve is dead, and so any baby born after the moment of his death is a candidate.

    But this is one hell of an extraordinary claim to make, so lets see if they have some extraordinary evidence to support this claim, then we can that the thought seriously.

    • Sigh, if only Slashdot had a post edit feature like everybody else.

      "take that thought seriously"

    • The world is full of nutjobs that believe in mythical beings, alien reincarnation, deities and probably somewhere the spaghetti monster. Why try to make sense of one more nutjobs ravings?
    • Not just that, but the title "warrior-philosopher" is an oxymoron. No philosopher worthy of the title would ever be a warrior. A warrior may on occasion dabble in philosophy, but he'd never be called a real philosopher.

      A call bullshit on the whole thing.
      • by narcc ( 412956 )

        No philosopher worthy of the title would ever be a warrior.


        I don't even know where to begin...

      • Um, Sun Tzu called he wanted to know what planet you happen to live on.

      • by oztiks ( 921504 )

        Shaolin Temples? Monks? Martial Arts? I.E Lifestyle? Philosophy? Yes, so out of touch are we. Some reading may help you with your ailment of cluelessness. []

        Jump to the bit about how its all structured on Chinese philosophy and also the section on mediation.

      • You are ignornant and uneducated, there are many famous warrior philosophers, especially in asia. Of course a philosopher dosen't have do be a pacifist, and of course there is a proper and legitimate time for violence including warfare.

    • They aren't saying he's on this plane of existence, but a higher one. I'm no expert but looking at the eightfold path and the noble truths it seems hard to believe that he might have "levelled up" by those rules.

  • ... Parked in a handicapped parking spot in Bangkok.
  • Great Karma (Score:4, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Friday August 31, 2012 @11:37PM (#41197205)

    I too once had a great Karma, a Karma Ghia. It too was reincarnated many times. When I got my Karma, it had no compression. I had traded an old Dodge for it, which had no brakes.
        When we pulled the oil drain and peered inside, we saw quite a mess. Little chunks of twisted metal everywhere. It was terminal. So we just put the oil drain back, and drove the Hell out of it for five years, occasionally adding oil and gasoline.
        It was quite an Educator- I taught four people how to drive in it. It had a nose of Wonder; it was crushed beyond recognition when my two sisters managed to sequentially run it head on into both a Citroen Maserati and a Ferrari 250GT. The other two cars were undamaged.
        It never managed to hover. It did manage to float down a steep muddy hillside. There were mushrooms growing on the back package tray.
        The coil was held in place with a shoelace, and the battery was kept from dragging on the ground with several layers of deteriorated cardboard stashed underneath.
        I don't know its inevitable demise, it was passed on from family to friend, to friend, to friends of friends, to whoever; only the All Knowing DMV in the Sky knows for sure.
        My Karma wasn't Buddhist. I think that it might have been a Lutheran.

  • Karma (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Viceice ( 462967 ) on Friday August 31, 2012 @11:39PM (#41197225)

    If anything, he should be reincarnated as a Chinese iPhone assembly line worker.

  • by jones_supa ( 887896 ) on Saturday September 01, 2012 @12:28AM (#41197485)
    What bothers always about the concept of reincarnation (with a carnal body, so not TFA), is that if you don't have any memories or experiences of your past lives, what is left, then? How do they make any impact? An explanation could be that the previous experiences shape life in some way that the person cannot sense.
  • by wierd_w ( 1375923 ) on Saturday September 01, 2012 @01:21AM (#41197733)

    Ok, if Jobs is floating over his OLD OFFICE, that means he was incarnated as a hungry ghost!

    See, in bhuddist cosmology, there are various gradients of existence. This world, our world, represents the crossroads between the celestial heavens, and the hellish naraka. (Those are plural. There are many of each.)

    The important thing of note here, is that the priests say he was incarnated above his old office. This means here, on the mortal realm.

    In the mortal realm, there are 3 potential kinds of incarnation: Human, Hungry ghost, and Animal.

    Since he is incorporeal, and in the mortal realm, that means he is a hungry ghost. Hungry ghosts are called that, because they have big appetites, but lack any real means to sate them. They are a pitiable form of existence, but can also cause serious problems, such as hauntings.

    Wiki on hungry ghosts []

    That he would incarnate into a LOWER incarnation implies he had BAD karma, but not quite sufficient to send him to one of the naraka. (Though the burning flesh naraka might be appropriate if you ask me.)

    So, if you work at apple, you should attempt to appease the late Jobs, by leaving offerings of unmarked bills, and the latest iDevice on his desk. Failing to do so will anger the hungry ghot, and there will be trouble. Burning incense may help as well. But not sandalwood. It's tacky.

  • Steve Jobs stimulated his creativity by "Going to the Magic Kingdom" while tripping his balls off on acid, back in the 70's, when it was still OK for CEO's to trip their balls off on acid.

    Nowadays, most CEO's just act like they should "get their lips away from the crack pipe!"

  • Does he have an invisible glass car he can park on the handicaped space at Apple's parking?
  • :They took our Jobs!

  • by Greyfox ( 87712 ) on Saturday September 01, 2012 @09:03AM (#41198977) Homepage Journal
    That's... out there... I mean, if someone on the street told me that, I'd back away slowly and not make eye contact. I'm surprised the Mormons haven't already posthumously baptized him, as is their custom. Then all you'd need is the Scientologists coming out and saying that he was caught in a captured soul trapper device and you could get a fun three-way holy war going on. I'm sure it would be fun, too!

    Ok, you want to play that game, let me see if I can do it. Jobs may have been a very successful man, which would indicate a fairly high amount of Karma. But as tweaked as he got about Android, I don't think he was Crystal Palace material. Maybe brushed aluminium material... Personally, I think he was reincarnated at CowboyNeal. Did you notice that we saw a bunch of articles from CowboyNeal right after he died? And since Slashdot has the limit on Karma, Steve could have been tweaked at Android and still be "Excellent"!

  • He came back as Snooki's baby, but I guess that and warrior-philosopher
    don't have to be mutually exclusive.

  • I thought the seasons were six months out in the southern hemisphere, but September is only five months after April. Or are these Thai guys serious? And does the floating glass palace have a big Apple logo like the famous stores??

Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do. -- R. A. Heinlein