Microsoft Tries a "Switch" Campaign 1224
Posted
by
pudge
from the huh-huh-she-said-switching dept.
from the huh-huh-she-said-switching dept.
Twirlip of the Mists writes "There's a new page on Microsoft's web site that tells the first-person story of an unnamed 'freelance writer' who made the switch from the Mac to Windows XP. The author of the page -- who never identifies herself, and who could very easily be fictional or a composite sketch -- says 'Windows XP gives me more choices and flexibility.' How, you ask? Why, through Microsoft Office, Internet Explorer, and modern operating-system features like separate accounts for each user and easy access to the Internet, of course. Maybe somebody should email Microsoft and let them know that the Mac has had all of these things for years now ... nah. It'd just embarrass them. Anyway, it's an entertaining read that's good for a laugh." Update: 10/14 21:12 GMT by P : Apparently, Microsoft has taken the page down, but Google has it.
yeah right (Score:5, Funny)
And then like (Score:5, Funny)
to paraphrase (Score:5, Funny)
{Stuff deleted}
© 2002 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
Wait one damned minute! (Score:4, Funny)
I'm sticking with MS (Score:5, Funny)
Choices and Flexibility? (Score:4, Funny)
Choices: You can select which security flaw to patch first.
Flexibility: Your choice of anti-virus program.
Hysterical! (Score:5, Funny)
Don't you figure that he/she might just be the freelance writer ... that Microsoft hired to write this advertising copy?
I love it!
It Must Suck... (Score:4, Funny)
Nanoox
To all MS employees trolling today... (Score:2, Funny)
Will all MS employees trolling here today please (virtually) stand up and identify yourselves so that we can mod your posts down to -1: Troll
Thank you for your cooperation.
I should submit (Score:4, Funny)
XD
--j
Linux Switch (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Hysterical! (Score:5, Funny)
No really, it's a feature! (Score:4, Funny)
Nooo! Not the hidey menu thingy! That thing drove me insane! And here it's listed as a plus? I'm sorry, what?
All the Mac hardware--including my printer, broadband cable, Zip drive, and Palm handheld--works perfectly with my Windows-based PC.
Really? You don't say? What about your internal hard drive? And your old applications?
Well, really. From a company with a huge marketing budget, I expect something that isn't (1) a cheap copy of your competitor's and (2) can't be picked into little bits in 15.32 seconds.
Soooo Fake... (Score:5, Funny)
My recommendation is to go straight to Windows XP Professional; the extra features for mobile users are worth it. See Which Edition is Right for You? [microsoft.com] for more information.
Hilarious... like an actual customer would go hunt down links to recommend people buy the most expensive workstation OS they sell. God Microsoft, keep 'em coming, soon you'll be as funny as the Onion!
shocking. (Score:5, Funny)
*Could* be fictional? (Score:4, Funny)
I am a freelance writer; I demand the best in mobile computing.
That just wreaks of marketing monkey dung.
Re:yeah right (Score:5, Funny)
So true... [all-windows.com]
Re:And then like (Score:5, Funny)
Re:And then like (Score:4, Funny)
You know what MS calls it, right? (Score:2, Funny)
<shrug>Whatever, Microsoft. Whatever.
Re:Story: (-1; Flamebait) (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Reload. (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Story: (-1; Flamebait) (Score:4, Funny)
Re:No really, it's a feature! (Score:2, Funny)
Re:yeah right (Score:5, Funny)
Clearly (Score:5, Funny)
I only had to..... (Score:2, Funny)
Hmmm....Did you notice at the bottom (Score:2, Funny)
Re:to paraphrase (Score:2, Funny)
------
Main Entry: (1)hu.mor
Pronunciation: 'hyü-m&r, 'yü-
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English humour, from Middle French humeur, from Medieval Latin & Latin; Medieval Latin humor, from Latin humor, umor moisture; akin to Old Norse vokr damp, Latin humEre to be moist, and perhaps to Greek hygros wet
Date: 14th century
1 a : a normal functioning bodily semifluid or fluid (as the blood or lymph) b : a secretion (as a hormone) that is an excitant of activity
2 a in medieval physiology : a fluid or juice of an animal or plant; specifically : one of the four fluids entering into the constitution of the body and determining by their relative proportions a person's health and temperament b : characteristic or habitual disposition or bent : TEMPERAMENT c : an often temporary state of mind imposed especially by circumstances d : a sudden, unpredictable, or unreasoning inclination : WHIM
3 a : that quality which appeals to a sense of the ludicrous or absurdly incongruous b : the mental faculty of discovering, expressing, or appreciating the ludicrous or absurdly incongruous c : something that is or is designed to be comical or amusing synonym see WIT
- out of humor : out of sorts
Main Entry: (2)humor
Function: transitive verb
Date: 1588
Inflected Form(s): hu.mored; hu.mor.ing
/'hyUm-ri[ng], 'yUm-, 'hyU-m&-, 'yU-/ 1 : to soothe or content by indulgence
2 : to adapt oneself to
synonym see INDULGE
Main Entry: sat.ire
Pronunciation: 'sa-"tIr
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle French or Latin; Middle French, from Latin satura, satira, perhaps from (lanx) satura dish of mixed ingredients, from feminine of satur well-fed; akin to Latin satis enough -- more at SAD
Date: 1501
1 : a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn
2 : trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly
synonym see WIT
No, it's her twin sister! (Score:3, Funny)
Hey, Mekka, ever heard of the rotate tool?
Oh, uhm, never mind.
Re:Hysterical! (Score:5, Funny)
I also found that little tidbit, well, precious. It's like, "Hey, slick. I'm a cool cat and I'd like to rap with you about this smooth new deal. Now here's the skinny, man. Outta sight."
For various other reasons, I also liked "Girl Scout's honor," "Less Dough," "And Now for the How," "accommodate my 5 foot 3 inches instead of his 6 feet," and "I discover more treats daily."
< tofuhead >
And Now for the How... (Score:2, Funny)
That's a very detailed set of procedures that she kindly provided -- I wonder how many times she had to install the OS to get all that info straight?
Re:She's Also a Photodisc Model! (Score:5, Funny)
On her career (Score:5, Funny)
- Windows XP gives me more choices and
- flexibility, and better compatibility with the rest of the technology world.
...
Mobile computing? Versatility? I could swear she was the free-lance writer who wrote the mission statements of a dozen busted dot-coms. No wonder she's looking for cheaper hardware!I am a freelance writer; I demand the best in mobile computing.
There's no equivalent for the versatility of Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint®. Toolbars and menus customize themselves to the way I work.
I wonder if the switch helps her utilize her verticle portals too!
Re:I should submit (Score:2, Funny)
Show Off Your Skills
Posted: March 01, 2002 Are you a whiz at using a Microsoft product at home or in the office? Are you the one everyone comes to when they need to know how to do something? If so, we'd love to see what you can do. We're collecting ideas for articles on the Microsoft Insider Web site. Some of your work or submissions may be included in a gallery on the site, featured in press releases, or developed into how-to articles. Note: We will not feature any of your work without first receiving your permission.
To participate, please send us:
Your first and last name
Name of your company or organization (if applicable)
Brief description of your company or organization, including industry and size
Brief description of which Microsoft product you use and how you use it
Personal contact information, including address, phone number and e-mail address
Samples of your work--either hard copies of your marketing materials or a Web site address where we can view your work. Please be sure to include any user names or passwords that might be needed.
You can submit your sample(s) one of two ways:
1. For online materials, send an e-mail message with the subject line Microsoft Publisher Customer Stories to insider@microsoft.com. (Note: Please do not send any attachments over 1 megabyte in size.)
2. For printed materials, send hard copies to:
Microsoft Insider Customer Stories
Microsoft Corporation
9931 Willows Road
Redmond, WA 98052
Note: We are unable to return submitted materials. Microsoft will not share the information you provide with third parties without your permission except where necessary to complete the services or transactions you have requested, or as required by law.
Re:*Could* be fictional? (Score:5, Funny)
Godfather Bill (Score:5, Funny)
Godfather Bill: What's this I hear about one of our freelance writers using a Mac? Make her an offer she can't refuse.
Scene 2: Anonymous writer's bedroom.
(The anonymous writer tosses and turns in bed, and rolls over, waking up. She notices something in the bed next to her and pulls back the sheet to reveal the severed LCD screen from her beloved iMac.)
Anonymous Writer: Aaaaah! Aaaaaah! OK, I'll switch!
Re:"Better Virus Protection" too (Score:3, Funny)
They've got way more practice writing and updating signatures.
Re:Welcome to Capitalism (Score:5, Funny)
See, the great part is that Microsoft tried doing A and B *together*! Now that's novelty.
Re:yeah right (Score:2, Funny)
If you don't understand, "C Chicken: It crosses the road without looking both ways," then I forgive you :-)
Re:As says Janie Porche (Score:2, Funny)
I'm sure that if I had shelled out the bucks for Windows XP, I would have had 5x7 prints spitting out of that little slot thingy in the front in no time!
(Or better yet, as the unknown author [gettyimages.com] suggests, Windows XP Pro... I really didn't need that extra $110 anyway. Knowing me, I'd only spend it on hookers and booze.)
Re:Welcome to Capitalism (Score:3, Funny)
Why Apple is like Communism! (Score:3, Funny)
Top 10 reasons Apple is a bit like Communism
10) Lots of cool intellectuals and artsy types seem to like it.
9) Fun to stick it to "Evil Abusive Capitalistic Monopolies".
8) Ton of zealots constantly proclaiming the beauty of the new revolution.
7) Everything seems to work together easily. However, you have to give up some choice.
6) Stores on the other side always seem better stocked and have better selections.
5) Goal is to make life as easy and fair as possible.
4) Hides much of the inner workings of the system so the people don't have to worry about them.
3) Although they do not admit it, most of their competitors have used at least some of their ideas.
2) While it looks like they were beaten in the 80's, may just be making a comeback.
1) Given history of past practices for the "greater good", scared to death of what the world would look like if they actually took over.
Re:She's Also a Photodisc Model! (Score:3, Funny)
www.svidaho.net/~cw/index/ GIF's/Apple%20Logo.gif
"Designed and Maintained on a Mac!"
Re:I'm sticking with MS (Score:4, Funny)
I don't know about that one
Do you remember Ms. Niceass
Hmmmm
I think we all know who the winner is here
Separate accounts for each user? (Score:4, Funny)
Re:I'm sticking with MS (Score:2, Funny)
*single tear* (Score:1, Funny)
I was up and running in less than one day, Girl Scout's honor.
* Insert warm fuzzy feeling here *
Other submissions you haven't seen yet (Score:2, Funny)
Joe, an IT specialist
Ever since we've made the switch to Windows XP, boxes have been crashing left and right and now I'm busier than I ever have been. When we were running Unix boxes, I rarely had anything to do, and that looked bad to upper management.
Selma, a tech support team member
You know, ever since we've replaced our Macs, we've been bombarded with user interface questions and how to get rid of that annoying Clippy. Upper management has been noticing how busy we've been lately and now we're getting more money for our department. Sweet!
Re:observation (Score:2, Funny)
What would that be, a fat suit?
Re:yeah right (Score:5, Funny)
Apple: Stop copying us!
Microsoft: Stop copying us!
Apple: Bitch!
Reasons I like this ad (Score:5, Funny)
- The woman in the picture looks like she's in the middle of a commercial for a yeast-infection or genital-herpes remedy. "With Windows, I don't have to be afraid to tell people what operating system I use. And that's a weight off my shoulders, so I can spend more time enjoying life."
- "It's about more and better." Wow. That's substantial and profound. I thought she said she was a "professional writer."
- Most of the page is devoted to explaining how to use wizards. If you need to explain how to use your wizards, your need to fire your usability team.
- She finishes her pitch by talking about installing drivers and finding more programs to convert her Mac documents every day: "I discover more treats daily. For example, Word Converters are helping me transfer old document files, Microsoft Works files, and even AppleWorks files. It will be an ongoing process, but I'm thrilled so far." In other words, she still hasn't been able to convert all her documents, and she expects it to be a long, ongoing process... and this is why Windows is "better?"
Personally, I don't think Microsoft wrote this. I think someone from Saturday Night Live broke into the MS server room and uploaded this.Re:Wait one damned minute! (Score:5, Funny)
Old people with large beards?
Hmm.... That Ritchie guy sure is sexy. Donchathink? ;-)
Even a dumb girl can run XP ! (Score:5, Funny)
How low can you get? Does anyone really BELIEVE this story? I sure hope not.
But at the end of the article, there are forms in PDF and Word (natch) where you can send in YOUR experiences with Windows. Come on Slashdotters, fill them out and send them in! PDF [microsoft.com] and Word [microsoft.com]
Here is the text of the document. It gets better...
Show Off Your Skills
Are you a whiz at using a Microsoft product at home or in the office? Are you the one everyone comes to when they need to know how to do something? If so, we'd love to see what you can do.
A whiz? ha ahaha I think they mean wiz. Oh brother.
We're collecting ideas for articles on the Microsoft Insider Web site. Some of your work or submissions may be included in a gallery on the site, featured in press releases, or developed into how-to articles.
This just in: Microsoft invents user-friendly HOWTO documents.
Note: We will not feature any of your work without first receiving your permission.
And having you sign away the rights to any experience you may have, or have had in the past to the sole ownership of Microsoft.
To participate, please send us:
Your first and last name
Name of your company or organization (if applicable)
Brief description of your company or organization, including industry and size
Brief description of which Microsoft product you use and how you use it
Personal contact information, including address, phone number and e-mail address
Samples of your work--either hard copies of your marketing materials or a Web site address where we can view your work. Please be sure to include any user names or passwords that might be needed.
WTF???
You can submit your sample(s) one of two ways:
1. For online materials, send an e-mail message with the subject line Microsoft Publisher Customer Stories to insider@microsoft.com. (Note: Please do not send any attachments over 1 megabyte in size.)
Or with any malicious VBscripts attached
2. For printed materials, send hard copies to:
Microsoft Insider Customer Stories Microsoft Corporation 9931 Willows Road Redmond, WA 98052 Microsoft will not share the information you provide with third parties without your permission except where necessary to complete the services or transactions you have requested, or as required by law.
Re:It Must Suck... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Seems Microsoft hate their own products (Score:5, Funny)
Yes, there is. It's very much like Office XP, but without the pee that comes with with the Windows version...
Re:So reply to the 'real' writer ... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:And then like (Score:4, Funny)
Insightful? heh. Too bad I can't meta-moderate that mod as 'sarcastic'.
Another Outlooker... (Score:4, Funny)
Hmmm. In the way she writes her excitement on using this piece of crap, it looks she is another outlooker that says yes, Yes, YES to every Klez juicy flavour and every LOVE YOU letter... Probably the new, fresh and exciting BugBears will make her dreams sweet... I imagine the ride of joy she'll have when some Barby/Trojan will salute her in one more of these exciting [censured] M$ gifts...
Re:Linux Switch (Score:5, Funny)
With Windows, I had to go through
Re:Reality (Score:3, Funny)
Would seeing CowboyNeal on your tv make you want to switch?
Let's submit stories! (Score:5, Funny)
You can use my personal photo from this web page:
http://delivery.gettyimages.com/comp/AA046139.J
8031402
My name is Linda Lee and here's my story!
"WindowsXP is great!"
OKay, I admit it! I've been a Linux user for years! You know, one of
those communists who thinks that everything should be free and forgets
to use deoderant. Recently, I was reading a totally unbiased
technical article in a magazine that informed me that the competition
just cannot stand up to Microsoft's (r) Windows (r) XP operating
system.
Let me tell you how lost I have been all these years, using free,
open-source software! What a waste of my life! As soon as I read
about all the great features, I threw some clothes on (shoes too!) and
ran out to my nearest CompUSA to buy a copy of Microsoft (r) Windows
(r) XP Professional for about 400$US. I got home, ripped the
shrink-wrap off, read over the draconian EULA (I don't mind giving up
some freedoms, Windows (r) is just too great), and immediately got to
installing.
After installation, I was unable to activate my copy of Microsoft (r)
Windows (r) XP. Sure, there was a little hic-up here, but after all,
you sometimes have to make sacrifices for quality! After about a
month of not being able to use my computer, customer support finally
just said I could use a "back-door" activation code. How wonderful
that Microsoft are helping me out at their own peril!
It only took me about three months to get me up and running! Girl
Scout's honor!
More Crashes, Less Work
Microsoft (r) Windows (r) XP lets me relax more through my busy work
day. With continuous crashes and reboots, I can spend more time
sipping coffee than doing my job! Microsoft (r) Windows (r) XP also
ensures that the work I do manage to get done is of the highest
possible quality. I demand that I be empowered to rewrite a document
I lost four times so I can be certain that it is very refined.
More Software Flexibility
Previously, I had access to hundreds of thousands of free software
products. But they were free, and we all know that anything that's
free is worth nothing! Now I can go out and spend anywhere from 50$US
to 5000$US dollars on a box with a CD-ROM disc in it! With a cost
like that, it ought to be some really good software!
Final Comments
If it wasn't for Microsoft (r) Windows (r) XP, I wouldn't bathe, use
deoderant, or wear clothes all day. I would just sit around and
stink, rotting in my house, getting fat! Thanks to my switch to
Windows (r), I'm healthy and have a great life! Thanks Microsoft (r)!
Re:But she's a guy (Score:3, Funny)
I should add .... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Which monopolistic corporation do we love? (Score:4, Funny)
The fact that the networking makes Windows XP look like it's from the 80's DOES NOT MATTER!
The fact that apple has had a connection faster than USB2.0 for the past three years, DOES NOT MATTER!
The fact the LCD is clearly better, and the fonts on a mac are arguably better, DOES NOT MATTER!
The fact the OS seamlessly supports every component on the laptop with no quirks, DOES NOT MATTER!
The fact the laptops are silent except for the hard drive, DOES NOT MATTER!
When will you apple dorks realize the only important possession a man has is the MHZ of his CPU. Everything else comes second, even when the CPU speed causes me to sacrafice something from every other component on the system.
CPU MHZ IS GOD!!!!~~~~
When are they going to try the... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Wait one damned minute! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:yeah right (cheap shot) (Score:3, Funny)
I saw an ad on TV last night for some PC maker who's got some sort of PC with a long neck and a flat panel, just like an Apple and comparing the two.
The funny thing was, they never showed the PC turned on. I guess they had to do something to keep it from crashing during the filming of the ad.
Re:Welcome to Capitalism (Score:1, Funny)
I'll second that bet. Here at Comcast, we've got all sorts of pictures on our intranet sites of people, who seem to look like models trying to look like regular employees. It's funny though, that I've never seen one of these people in person.
So the other day I was walking on the ground floor of the building, and I could see inside of the First Union bank we've got here also. What do I see but some random FU ad, showing the same old bitch I keep seeing on the entrance to our intranet site!
These lazy companies can't even get original clip art.
Re:And then like (Score:3, Funny)
Yes, Writer. (Score:3, Funny)
Why does her husband have 6 feet? (Score:2, Funny)
Anyone wanna Narc MS out? (Score:3, Funny)
M$ Needs U!!!! (Score:1, Funny)
If she's hot (Score:1, Funny)
Ellen Feiss, Fan Clubs (Score:5, Funny)
Ellen Feiss is *hot* [earthlink.net]. Google sez so. and lots of fan clubs [gloriousnoise.com] have developed [flatsoda.com] throughout the web. heh. Go Ellen :)
"Bill, we're on slashdot again!" "Shit!" (Score:2, Funny)
Anyone got a copy they can upload somewhere (or email it to me, i'll handle it)?
Re:gay marketing terms (Score:2, Funny)
If you say "I'm not homophobic" it doesn't magically make it true. Especially if you follow it up with harsh invectives like "fag(got)".
shuddup ya choad-smoking, butt-banging, cum-slurping fruitcake.
Future Onion article... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Know what's funny? (Score:5, Funny)
LOL!!
I can see the Linux ads now:
"So.. like, I bought this Firewire Video camera, and I like shot some footage of my dog and stuff... and like when I plugged the camera into my Linux laptop.. uh.. well it didn't work. So first I went to find a firewire driver. And uh.. well I couldn't find one of those, but I find a kernel update that had firewire support. So I downloaded and recompiled and typed this in and that in and that kind of worked. Then.. then I had to find a free-app that'd do DV-capture and editing. After a few days of posting news groups, I eventually did find one that sort of worked. Of course, I had to fix a bug or two for it to be useful. But hey! It's free!! Isn't that the great thing about Open Source? Fixes happen like really really fast. Anyway, so I sort of got that running... and uh now I can get video from my camera to my laptop. It only took a few weeks! So like there's no way I'm going back to Windows now because I put all this damn effort into this and finally got it working.
My name is Ronald and I'm a Linux Zealot."
It's a joke, laugh.
Why bother? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:yeah right (Score:5, Funny)
Oh, right. I forgot that XP will enable me to fly. Madonna told me so.
Yeesh.
Don Funk (Score:2, Funny)
Even more interesting..."Don Funk" is used in microsoft examples(i.e. msdn code snippets). Here is one showing Microsoft's repadmin.exe(diagnoses replication problems between Windows 2000 domain controllers):
repadmin
Funny, isn't it? Make your own conclusions!
Re:And then like (Score:0, Funny)
Re:Welcome to Capitalism (Score:3, Funny)
Explanation (Score:3, Funny)
> Microsoft has taken the page down, but Google
> has it.
She must have switched back
Submitting Story Ideas (Score:2, Funny)
I realize M$ took the article down, but is the preferred method of submitting insider article ideas still via the following document links:
- or -
Would they prefer you just take over one of Micro$oft's IIS servers and replace the c:\wwwroot\ with your story content? Is there a code-redify wizard available to automate the process of taking 0wn3r5h1p of an IIS server, or does this have to be done manually? Thanks if someone knows...
Re:She's not the only one... (Score:5, Funny)
Ha! It is indeed. It looks like an LC. The keyboard is an Apple Extended Keyboard. That's too funny... You'd think with a budget like Microsoft's, they could at least avoid promoting the competition in their ads...
Re:She's not the only one... (Score:2, Funny)
and I couldn't paraphrase a friken paragraph in it, so I red the Cliff Notes.
Re:She's not the only one... (Score:2, Funny)
Yeah, and if all the bad press fails, we can always bring the Microsoft marketing machine to a complete standstill by slashdotting getty images.
Re:yeah right (Score:3, Funny)
I wouldn't neither call that professional writing nor marketing.
the last few paragraphs
Four more interesting little bits from the "Article":
Now that we've successfully converted our reader to a Windows PC
instead of writer. HARHAR!
Why am I helping these idiots improve? I must be hoping they don't read this...
Stop putting Bill Gates as Borg (Score:2, Funny)