How Apple Could Survive Without Steve Jobs

ThousandStars writes "The Wall Street Journal asks How Apple Could Survive Without Steve Jobs: 'Speculation about the continued reign of Mr. Jobs — which has popped up from time to time since his 2004 treatment for cancer — underscore how closely Apple's fashion-setting products are identified with its co-founder.'"

Not Possible

[eldavojohn]

How Apple Could Survive Without Steve Jobs

No, I'm sorry, it's just not possible.

You see, cancer was also a chance to have an operation where they inserted a tiny chip into his body to track his heart beat. In turn, it relays a message of his heart beat to his iPhone which is always on him. That relays it to a satellite receiver which sends the message back down to earth to the triggers on 4 pounds of C4 placed carefully around the support base of each Apple building telling it not to blow up. If it doesn't receive that message, no more Apple.

A bit eccentric, I know--but most geniuses are.

Captain! Reality Distortion Field buckling!

[Chas]

She kenna take much more of this!

Re:About as well as Disney survived with Walt

[jellomizer]

Thats because it is owned by Steve Jobs. [Humor]

The same way they survived before?

[elrous0]

Apple survived from 1985 to 1996, didn't they?

Re:Not Possible

[elrous0]

Not necessary. If Jobs died, most of his followers would probably commit suicide voluntarily anyway.

Re:This goes for many companies

[CmdrPorno]

I think Microsoft or Oracle would get along just fine without Steve Jobs.

Re:Absolutely not!

[elrous0]

Maybe they could hire Tim Gunn [wikipedia.org] to take over after Jobs. He could update that tired old turtleneck and tell the engineers to "make it work."

Re:Absolutely not!

[PopeRatzo]

Fashion houses typically go bust or are taken over when the founder dies or retires.

No.

Chanel, Hilfinger and many more have thrived or even gotten bigger after the death of the founder. Valentino also comes to mind and if I go look at a copy of Vogue I could give you a half a dozen other names.

But I'm not going to do that because I'm not gay. Really.

Honey, come here and tell these guys I'm not gay.

Apple without Jobs?

[actionbastard]

How could any company survive without an egotistic megalomaniac perfectionist anal retentive button hater [apple.com] at the helm? Well Jobs doesn't design the computers Jonathan Ive [apple.com] does, so designs are covered. He doesn't manage the hardware engineering, Bob Mansfield [apple.com] has that responsibility. Operating system is Bertrand Serlet [apple.com] and applications is Sina Tamaddon [apple.com], with Scott Forstall [apple.com] managing iPhone software, so we're covered on those. Phil Schiller [apple.com] is the marketing brain behind Apple's recent successes, so that's okay. Retailing is covered by Ron Johnson [apple.com] and let's not forget that Tim Cook [apple.com] handles DTD operations. There's also a few 'heavy-set' bean counters around to rearrange the cash loaf they've acquired after Steve plays naked in the pile, so the money is okay, too.

So, why does Apple need ST_VE? Do they need him to run around all day screaming, "Your designs suck, Jon! Make them MORE minimal!", "Bob, your code is SHIT! Fix it!", "Ron! Sell more STUFF!", "The rest of you, if you can't make everything INSANELY GREAT, no more free Jolt Cola in the cafeteria!"? So Apple needs him, how, to survive? If they need a 'visionary', they can always find another crazy 'Steve', here [microsoft.com]. In the long run, the company is well manned to maintain it's position and 'grow the brand' even if Jobs is relegated to prowling the dark halls at 1IL in his bathrobe and Birkenstocks.

I have the answer!

[erroneus]

Hire Willy Wonka!!! If there is any character that is on par with Steve Jobs and his showmanship, it is Willy Wonka... preferably the Johnny Depp version, but even the Gene Wilder version would suffice.

Re:a man with a plan for better or worse

[QuantumRiff]

You just gave me the best idea ever to replace jobs. Hire Chef Gordon Ramsey, of Hells Kitchen and Kitchen Nightmares fame. He has no problem telling you that your finely crafted and prepared dish makes him want to vomit, and call the police on you for attempted murder. He's great at reducing people to tears! And, they could make it part of a reality TV series, to increase brand awareness even more!

Re:Absolutely not!

[NeoSkandranon]

She looks better than sonic youth

Have you seen her lately?

Re:More than preparation

[goombah99]

maybe Bill gates would like a second chance without all the MS baggage to try out his visions.

Re:More than preparation

[Captain Splendid]

Bill gates would like...to try out his visions.

You owe me a new keyboard.

Re:Not Possible

[StikyPad]

But Microsoft is going to parachute in on us! They're going to shoot some of our innocent babies. They'll torture our children! They'll torture some of our people here! They'll torture our seniors! The ones that they take captured, they're gonna let them grow up and be dummies! We didn't commit suicide, we committed an act of revolutionary suicide protesting the conditions of an inhumane world.

Agreed

[Voyager529]

maybe Bill gates would like a second chance without all the MS baggage to try out his visions.

...he needs new glasses first.

For real

[Voyager529]

If limewire could sync up an iPod, most of my friends would be happy to never use iTunes.

Re:Uh

[Anonymous Coward]

Not always. [darwinawards.com]

Re:Absolutely not!

[elrous0]

Only until we can find his lair and stake him.

Re:WTF?

[rampant mac]

"Lance's survival was mostly due to the fact that his cardio/vascular system practically qualifies him as an X-Man."

Seeing as what happened to his balls, I think you meant EX-Man.