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Portables Apple

iPad Will Beat Netbooks With "Magic" 1010

Posted by CmdrTaco
from the gonna-need-more-planes dept.
entirely_fluffy writes "In a talk intended to woo investors, Apple Chief Operating Officer Tim Cook said the iPad will win over potential netbook buyers, but not because of specs or features. No, Cook said, the iPad's magical properties will seal the deal. 'The netbook is not an experience people are going to continue wanting to have,' Cook said, according to Macworld. 'When they play with the iPad and experience the magic of using it ... I have a hard time believing they're going to go for a netbook.'" Another thing that would help would be a camera and a $100 discount, but hey Magic is cool too, provided they have enough mana.
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iPad Will Beat Netbooks With "Magic"

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  • Hunters.. (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Thursday February 25, 2010 @11:37AM (#31273244)

    Given mages constant grieving towards hunters, they will most likely stay away from this.

  • Magic huh? (Score:5, Funny)

    by Mashiki (184564) <{mashiki} {at} {gmail.com}> on Thursday February 25, 2010 @11:39AM (#31273276) Homepage

    I hope he knows I've got the patent on magic, and the magic blue smoke in devices.

  • Sales? (Score:3, Funny)

    by Strange Ranger (454494) on Thursday February 25, 2010 @11:39AM (#31273298)
    ""When they play with the iPad and experience the magic of using it... I have a hard time believing they're going to go for a netbook.""

    So your sales strategy involves a free trial for everyone?
  • by calibre-not-output (1736770) on Thursday February 25, 2010 @11:41AM (#31273342) Homepage
    Netbooks aren't very resistant to magic. If they party with a PC for tanking, then it'll be a different story.
  • by Duradin (1261418) on Thursday February 25, 2010 @11:46AM (#31273426)
    Less space than a nomad too.
  • by WrongSizeGlass (838941) on Thursday February 25, 2010 @11:48AM (#31273448)

    Maybe they could get Penn & Teller?

    I can see it now ...
    Penn: Hi, I'm an iPad ...
    Teller: ::crickets::
    Penn: Don't mind him, he's a slate device. They don't have much to crow about.
    Teller: (makes sour face)
    Penn: He looks like some guy who bought a slate device ... at least he does impressions ... but not of the iPad ...

  • by binarylarry (1338699) on Thursday February 25, 2010 @11:56AM (#31273584)

    A glorified ereader... without the epaper.

  • by jDeepbeep (913892) on Thursday February 25, 2010 @11:57AM (#31273590)

    and the magic blue smoke in devices.

    I hope you know that infringes on Microsoft's patented BSOD (Blue Smoke of Death).

  • Witchcraft! (Score:5, Funny)

    by sajuuk (1371145) on Thursday February 25, 2010 @11:58AM (#31273608)
    More evidence to prove my case calling for Apple to be burned at the stake!
  • by Monkeedude1212 (1560403) on Thursday February 25, 2010 @12:01PM (#31273670) Journal

    I think it's pretty sad when you have to resort to Sorcery to sell your products. That should be a crime.

  • by Anonymous Coward on Thursday February 25, 2010 @12:02PM (#31273692)

    This is such crap.

    I'm sure the iPad will find an audience and will sell by the truckload, but come on...are they really claiming that people won't pay for a netbook, but they will pay the same price for something with half the functionality and none of the openness, just because it's pretty?

    You've never met a woman, have you...

  • by Anonymous Coward on Thursday February 25, 2010 @12:08PM (#31273804)
    This is /., what do you think?
  • Master Jobs (Score:5, Funny)

    by DarthVain (724186) on Thursday February 25, 2010 @12:09PM (#31273840)

    "This isn't the netbooks you are looking for. Move along."

  • by Anonymous Coward on Thursday February 25, 2010 @12:10PM (#31273854)

    Amazingly enough, this is why the average Slashdotter isn't a millionaire.

    The iPad is a perfect kitchen computer. I could easily give it to my halfwit mother and she'd be entirely comfortable with it. There are more people in the world like her than there are people writing code.

    Most computer users want their hardware and software to work like appliances and having an outstanding UI is a part of that. Let me give an example that is probably near and dear to the hearts of everyone here.

    You're in bed, surfing porn. Now, you can do it with a notebook that requires a trackpad and keyboard to use, or you can use the iPad.

    Your call.

  • by Kenja (541830) on Thursday February 25, 2010 @12:10PM (#31273856)
    What I want to know is where you're supposed to put all your spells with such limited storage options.
  • by Anonymous Coward on Thursday February 25, 2010 @12:16PM (#31273954)

    Steve sipped his magic water, brow furrowed, listening with his head cocked to the side to the blather the record execs across the table were vomiting at him. The barfing had been ongoing for the better part of three hours, and Steve was bored. As he set his water bottle down, his mind meandered from the meeting to more interesting things. Dammit, Steve thought, this is my boardroom. It's about time they heard my speech!

    Beside Steve in his stupor sat none other than Phil Schiller, mulleted and wearing his typical denim button-down, and John Rubenstein who was wearing a blue polo, collar-up, with iPod headphones snaking up over his hairy chest and pouring out the front of his collar. Not only was John the Senior Vice President of the iPod division, he was also a member.

    As the meeting droned on, Phil noted the glazed look in John and Steve's eyes. Without moving a muscle, Phil fiddled with something underneath the table and a random burst of music exploded from John's neck. Before John could look down, however, the music stopped. Steve hadn't noticed and Phil looked over at John and smirked. John wondered when Phil had managed to take his Shuffle.

    Clearing his throat, Steve rose from his chair, interrupting the record executives across from him. They looked up at Steve's blue-jeaned form, surprised. They watched as Steve strutted to the corner of the room and grabbed a new bottle of water out of a mini-fridge, uncapped it, and took a sip. He looked around him at all the expectant eyes, like baby birds held captive in a nest, and smiled.

    "I have a little something to share with you today," Steve said, the fire coming back to his eyes. "We all do, in fact, and we're really excited to present this special Stevenote with you today."

    Phil looked over to John and rolled his eyes. Having endured one too many Stevenotes, he wasn't what could be called very excited in the least. Stultified was probably a better term for what Phil was experiencing at the moment. John too had witnessed several private mini-keynotes where Steve Jobs had paraded around a boardroom and drove a point relentlessly home for hours on end.

    Phil and John shrugged, helpless, and turned to Steve. At least it wasn't record company rhetoric.

    "Gentlemen, today we stand here over two years after Apple and the recording industry made downloading music easy and legal," Steve began, not missing a beat. "And in two years we've grown in a really impressive way, and we've got some really impressive numbers to show you."

    Without a word, Steve yanked a small device that looked like a black iPod Shuffle out of his pocket and clicked a button. Silently, metal armor appeared from the walls and covered the windows. The lights dimmed behind them, and a solid metal panel slid shut with a sucking sound over the doorway. One wall was lit by an unseen projector and down-tempo electronica started playing softly in the background.

    The record executives looked around, frenzied, not sure what had just happened. Some grabbed for papers and shoved them into briefcases while others swung around in their chairs feeling for something to grab onto. They began muttering, asking one another what was going on, nerves on edge. One exec took his mobile phone out and opened it. He looked hysterical in the dim light.

    "You'll see that your mobile phone's signal is jammed in here, as are all other means of external communication. Bluetooth and WiFi don't work, and the Ethernet cables to your laptops have been cut," Steve said to the executives. "You're all alone in here. All alone with just me, Phil, John, and the numbers."

    Phil and John shook their heads in dismay.

    Steve wasted no time in barraging the executives in an ejaculation of numbers. Tracks available through the iTunes music store: 500 million. Projected iPod sales for September quarter '05: 7.1 million. New countries the iTunes music store was available to in '05: 7. The list went on and on, the execs — as well as John and Phil — were wide-eyed and swe

  • by Pojut (1027544) on Thursday February 25, 2010 @12:18PM (#31273976) Homepage

    I'm engaged to one that is pretty, very functional, AND low in cost ;-)

  • by Anonymous Coward on Thursday February 25, 2010 @12:27PM (#31274168)

    I hope he knows I've got the patent on magic, and the magic blue smoke in devices.

    Spell: Manaburn

    Prerequisites: iPad with a Sony battery

    Description: The suave yuppie ignites his turtleneck, causing aoe-damage to people who failed to avoid him in the first place.

  • by Anonymous Coward on Thursday February 25, 2010 @12:33PM (#31274286)

    Magic

  • by spun (1352) <loverevolutionary AT yahoo DOT com> on Thursday February 25, 2010 @12:38PM (#31274348) Journal

    Well, you see, with the iPad, there is:

    No keyboard.
    It's more expensive than an introductory laptop
    Has lousy processing and RAM compared to same
    Made of low quality parts.
    The OS sucks on small screens

    But:

    It's from Apple, therefore, all those points are either irrelevant or actually features. You see, it is not the actual hardware or software quality that makes an Apple an Apple. It's the brand. No other brand produces nearly the same sense of smug satisfaction and gloating superiority. Besides owning a large truck that is never used for hauling or off road sporting, nothing says "I have a small penis" like owning something from Apple.

  • by Pojut (1027544) on Thursday February 25, 2010 @12:49PM (#31274582) Homepage

    She isn't low cost because she is cheap, she is low cost because she makes more money than I do :p

    Special Ed teachers make more than mail merge programmers in Maryland, apparently.

  • by spun (1352) <loverevolutionary AT yahoo DOT com> on Thursday February 25, 2010 @12:52PM (#31274662) Journal

    For some Apple fanatics, Apple could sell them a kick in the balls and they'd stand in line for six days just to buy it.

  • WRONG! (Score:2, Funny)

    by eWarz (610883) on Thursday February 25, 2010 @01:05PM (#31274892) Homepage
    You know, I'm probably going to get modded down for this, but i have to say it anyway. To all you people keep saying how horrible the iPad is and how it's going to fail. You are wrong. Way wrong. Not only is the iPad going to totally succeed, but it's probably going to change computing as we know it. As people start using the closed iPad architecture, Apple will introduce more and more gadgets that use this architecture until they completely replace windows machines for most users. Sure they'll always be us geeks that prefer an open architecture, but for most users (my mom, your mom, etc.) the iPad does enough. You shouldn't stand in the way of this transition. It means no more tech support calls. No more 'my computer is full of viruses, can you fix it?' questions. This is the best thing that could ever possibly happen. Oh, and the iPad has a keyboard add-on, so all you people that say it has no keyboard, shut your holes. Disclaimer: No, i don't have a mac, No, I don't have an iPhone. I do however have an iPod touch and love it. However, nothing could ever replace my blackberry.
  • by jonaskoelker (922170) <jonaskoelker&gnu,org> on Thursday February 25, 2010 @01:11PM (#31274990) Homepage

    nothing says "I have a small penis" like owning something from Apple.

    I don't want to be thinking things like that about my girlfriend...

  • by spun (1352) <loverevolutionary AT yahoo DOT com> on Thursday February 25, 2010 @01:20PM (#31275148) Journal

    That's okay, just pretend it's a really big clit.

  • by Anonymous Coward on Thursday February 25, 2010 @01:34PM (#31275340)

    hmm... seems I've heard of the iRack in a different context.

  • by sackvillian (1476885) on Thursday February 25, 2010 @01:44PM (#31275502)

    iSore

    A magical revolutionary product at an unbelivable price - the lowest two octaves of your vocal range.

  • by Anonymous Coward on Thursday February 25, 2010 @02:10PM (#31275956)

    The Apple ball-kick experience really can't be compared to other kicks in the balls, though. The sense of design and usability that went into the iPain completely reinvents the concept of testicular bruising.

  • by Anubis IV (1279820) on Thursday February 25, 2010 @02:23PM (#31276128)
    Nonsense. Some of us Apple fanatics actually have a bit of common sense, despite what you may have heard, and don't just buy anything that Apple sells. For instance, to use your example, unless it was reasonably priced (say, under $700), designed well (they had better be using decent shoes, and not just Keds or Nike), would be usable for an extended period of time (this kick needs to last for at least the next few years), and demonstrated a high degree of security (i.e. I shouldn't get any viruses during the kicking procedure), I wouldn't go for it. Plus, a lot of the time, their customer support with AppleCare is top-notch, so if my balls happen to break during the kick, they would probably be willing to replace them with iBalls at no additional charge. It's reasons like those that keep me coming back to Apple, and not just them slapping their name on anything that they fancy.
  • by Spitfirem1 (1124377) on Thursday February 25, 2010 @02:43PM (#31276448)

    For some Apple fanatics, Apple could sell them a kick in the balls and they'd stand in line for six days just to buy it.

    I'm pretty sure that was called Apple TV.

  • by dubbreak (623656) on Thursday February 25, 2010 @03:44PM (#31277346)

    For some Apple fanatics, Apple could sell them a kick in the balls and they'd stand in line for six days just to buy it.

    Well let's be realistic. If it were Steve Jobs delivering the ball kicks himself, then ya there is a select group of fanatics that would stand in line. You have to admit it could be pretty cool. Imagine what you could shout right before he kicks you:

    "OS9 sucked" POW
    "I bought a mac just to run linux" POW
    "IPad?! Come on, how stupid is that?" POW

    Now if it were just some apple branded ball kicking machine, then no, who would want to line up for that? I'd just order mine online.

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