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Jobs On Track For June Return 122

Posted by CmdrTaco
from the because-he-can dept.
nandemoari writes "On Tuesday, Apple shareholders gathered at Apple's Cupertino corporate campus continued their pursuit of details regarding Apple chief Steve Jobs' health. They didn't get a whole heck of a lot of information out of Apple's executives, but they did receive some encouraging news on Jobs' status. Timothy Cook, Apple's chief operating officer, assured shareholders that Jobs still planned to return to the company in June. Jobs obviously wasn't present at the meeting, which might have made it rather uncomfortable when several stockholders stood to sing 'Happy Birthday.' Jobs' 54th passed on Tuesday."
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Jobs On Track For June Return

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  • Thank you Slashdot (Score:5, Informative)

    by MyLongNickName (822545) on Thursday February 26, 2009 @01:05PM (#26999817) Journal

    They sang Happy Birthday to Steve! My life is now complete that I got to hear this great news.

    But what happens when they get sued because they don't own the rights to that song....

    • by ColdWetDog (752185) * on Thursday February 26, 2009 @01:08PM (#26999857) Homepage

      But what happens when they get sued because they don't own the rights to that song....

      Justice, I suppose. Who the hell sings happy birthday to a CEO???

      And I thought the fanbois here were bad.

      • by buswolley (591500) on Thursday February 26, 2009 @01:14PM (#26999957) Journal
        These aren't the jobs you're looking for.

        Seriously,

        We need jobs to return in June, not Jobs.

        • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

          by Anonymous Coward

          Yeah, the title was misleading. I thought it was about something actually important.

          • Same here. I love Apple, and understand why it's important that Jobs returns to his post (more like a helm really..). But the title of this article made it sound like some of the many laid off would be reconciled, when clearly that is NOT what is going to happen.
        • Re: (Score:1, Interesting)

          by Anonymous Coward

          These aren't the jobs you're looking for.

          Seriously,

          We need jobs to return in June, not Jobs.

          Yeah, so let's all start taxing economic activity!!!!

          Yeah, that'll work SO WELL. :-P

          Sooo, where are those "tax cuts for 95% of Americans", anyway?

        • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

          by berend botje (1401731)
          Meh.

          I know my viewpoint is impopular. But I'm figuring the jobs that are lost are the kind of jobs that aren't needed anyway. Too long businesses could afford all kinds of superfluous jobs that didn't contribute to the bottom line.

          If you are a "telephone sanitizer" (RIP Douglas Adams) maybe you should have seen it coming.

          That said, I'm laid off as well, as I too had a non-essential job. It sucks (a lot) but somehow I can understand it as well. I'm now trying to get a job in an essential part of the
          • If the govenment hadn't tried to bail things out this would have been largely confined to the portion of the financial sector that gave out the bad housing loans or used the bum risk assessment methodology, along with people who lied on their loan applications or overbought houses. (And a little temporary depression of commodity prices while those who wrote insurance policies on the high-end mortgage-basket investment paper held a fire sale to raise money to pay off the damage claims - which means bargain

            • by cowscows (103644)

              Right, so your theory is that because the government tried to help the banking industry not collapse, all the farmers in the country are going to stop growing food?

              • so your theory is that because the government tried to help the banking industry not collapse, all the farmers in the country are going to stop growing food?

                Nope.

                A lot of people aren't going to be able to BUY it. Some of them are nice people and I don't want them to starve. Others may be not-so-nice but I'd rather have them eating stuff they grew than stealing stuff others did.

                And I certainly don't want the government doing the stealing FOR them, either.

                By the way: The US was once the "breadbasket of the

              • Perhaps the food can't be easily transported to the cities. Or the prices will rise so large groups can't afford it anymore.

                Also, don't throw bricks at ducks. Seriously.
            • I have a (very) small garden, I don't imagine the yield could sustain my family. However, the harvest could supplement our food, true enough.

              I've already thought about ripping out the deck and planting some crops. I have to learn me a book or two, as I'm a total noob at gardening. Guess Darwin will sort us out in the end.
    • IIRC copyright on Happy Birthday expired some time in the late 90's just before the copyright extension was passed.
      • Re: (Score:3, Informative)

        by BPPG (1181851)

        almost, unfortunately.

        from http://www.snopes.com/music/songs/birthday.asp [snopes.com]

        The Chicago-based music publisher Clayton F. Summy Company, working with Jessica Hill, published and copyrighted "Happy Birthday" in 1935. Under the laws in effect at the time, the Hills' copyright would have expired after one 28-year term and a renewal of similar length, falling into public domain by 1991. However, the Copyright Act of 1976 extended the term of copyright protection to 75 years from date of publication, and the Copyright Term Extension Act of 1998 added another 20 years, so under current law the copyright protection of "Happy Birthday" will remain intact until at least 2030.

      • Under copyright law at the time it was copyrighted it would have entered the public domain in 1991. However, the Copyright Act of 1976 extended it to 75 years from the date of publication and the Copyright Term Extension Act of 1998 added 20 more years. It is now due to enter the public domain in 2030. http://www.snopes.com/music/songs/birthday.asp [snopes.com]
    • Re: (Score:1, Troll)

      Hey, noob. They did NOT sing happy birthday to him. Try RTFS next time.

      (and thanks, Slashdot for your excellent coding where I have to wait 5 minutes between posts, despite having Excellent karma)

    • by Anonymous Coward on Thursday February 26, 2009 @02:03PM (#27000833)

      My dad died from pancreatic cancer earlier this year, and even if Jobs has the 'less bad' version, the facts are that the pancreas is an energy producing organ and it takes a while to get your diet right so that you have energy.

      Secondly, it's tied to the digestive system and, while sparing you the details, 'uncontrolled digestive events' are a fact of life. I can entirely understand if Jobs really doesn't want to discuss sudden sprints to the lavatory in the press particularly since the output is uhh, evil. Remember, the digestive enzymes are not normal at this stage of the game and the scent sticks to the walls for weeks.

      Let him keep his dignity and privacy.

    • Is this a company or a cult following? This thing really will blow up when Teh Steve parts ways.
      • Nah, steve has vision but the design talent is still there. Another CEO can push that company forward. Just not some loser from Pepsi.
  • Mac World (Score:5, Funny)

    by MindlessAutomata (1282944) on Thursday February 26, 2009 @01:10PM (#26999907)

    I've always been a PC at heart.

    Not like the rest, the others. Everyone around me. I was at odds with my society and knew it early since birth. Unlike them, I did not "Think Different!"--the mantra of the Macs around me, the phrase on all the billboards in the city that served as a reminder to its citizenry. Sameness pervaded the essence of my being and no amount of self-conditioning I did could change that. Eventually, I gave up and isolated myself emotionally from society.

    I gaze at the faces going by, the white earphones contrasting their black turtlenecks, connecting their ears to their pockets, their blank faces engrossed in hip Indie rock music and various garage bands. I envied them for their perfection against my flaws and my compulsive nature to expand, to burden my life with troubles instead of remaining, like them, simple and easy to deal with. The grandest of virtues, simplicity... the philosophy by our loyal benefactor Steve Jobs, who descended from the heavens, creating the Earth, the iron, the wind and the rain. Steve Jobs, who defined the parameters of existence, the one who set about the patterns of reality, the constants, the variables. He who made gravity, electromagnetic energy, and shaped atomic structures and brought forth motion. From these things, he crafted the elements, processed them, refined them, and from these things engineered Apple products through the purity of his mind. Each Apple product was individually crafted by his own hands with the programming code used to run each device having being compiled in his brain and uploaded to each device telepathically, breathing life and perfection into each and every unit.

    Except, it seems, for me, for I was not among the many. I was a PC. They were Macs. I've always been a cold, stiff person. I got by, disguising myself by keeping my non-Ipod music player safely out of sight, which I use because of my depraved nature demanding more functionality than the simple and easy-to-use Ipods have to offer... In the safety of my own home, behind locked doors, I ran a Forbidden, a contraband computer from more depraved, earlier days that was not given the love and blessing of being birthed by Steve Jobs. I dual booted, out of the great sin of curiosity-- curiosity, a shameful value of a PC, as curiosity has no place where simplicity matters most--using two of the great unutterable blasphemies-- something called "Windows Vista" and something else called "Linux." Although, as I mentioned before, although my tendency to be a PC and towards conformity has always been inherent to me, I was truly transformed when I found these old things in a hidden cache of computer parts predating The Purging. Perhaps the greatest sin of all, the single evil that, if discovered, would damn me forever, was the fact that my mouse had more than one button.

    As I walked on among the Macs on the streets, passing the Starbuckses as I went along, I wondered how it all came to this. I glanced at The Holy Marks on the foreheads as the people wandered down the streets, the Bitten Apple tattooed on all our of us at birth, and wondered if, perhaps, there could be something more to life. But again, this was a PC's thought, and not, like everyone elses', a Mac's. We were to hold ourselves to the philosophy of Steve Jobs--so as his products were designed for idiots, so too were we to be idiots. But I was not a Mac--I was not an idiot. I was simply too complicated to be a worthwhile person.

    Nature called. I found a nearby public iPoo--squeaky clean and sparkly white, things weren't all bad--and let myself go, expelling the waste that had accumulated inside me. After relieving myself and committing the overly-complicated and thus illegal act of wiping my ass (I did not flush as iPoos, designed to be idiot-proof, did not flush) I left and once again wandered the streets aimlessly, hoping to find some meaning in a world where I simply did not belong, a world where if my true nature was discovered, I would be endlessly persecuted by smug, self-righteous sons of bitches.

    • Is this the part where John Hodgman runs in, wearing red Dolphin shorts and hurls a 10 kilo bag of churros at the 29-foot iMax iMac?

      <voiceover>"One reason that 2112 won't be like 2112"</voiceover>
    • For words can not express my thoughts on the parent post.

    • Re: (Score:1, Offtopic)

      Great post!! Flamebait? No. Apple fanbois with mod points? Yes.
    • Loved your epos. Laughed out loud on "Starbuckses".

      I'm a lazy git, myself. Can't stand to do repetitive chores. And I'm not a people person. Well, I can be, I'm actually quite good with people. However, if you really want to know, I loathe most people. Ignorant bunch, people.

      I'm a BSD user. Not by choice, but because I have to. BSD is what I am, I am BSD. Efficient, dependable, a comfort in dire straits. That's me. That's BSD. We couldn't be any different if we tried.

      I don't care much about hardwar
    • by NickDngr (561211) *
      ::::sniff:::: That was beautiful.
    • how many times does this have to get reposted before people stop modding it up? I'm curious about how long it takes to copy a 17 megabyte file from your iPoo...

    • Is this going to be modded up every single time it's copy-pasted into an Apple thread? I've seen this at least twice before in /. comments recently.
  • Google Bait!? (Score:4, Interesting)

    by starglider29a (719559) on Thursday February 26, 2009 @01:11PM (#26999917)

    Jobs' 54th passed on Tuesday

    "Passed on", Gracie? Could you have chosen a worse phrase? Or where you trying to glom Google hits from the query: [jobs "passed on"]

    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by flitty (981864)
      Not to mention we're going to get lazy Newspaper editors who glance at the title and write stories about "The Job Market is looking to Return in June, According to Apple!"
    • by qoncept (599709)
      ..truly an American icon.
    • by dgatwood (11270)

      Exactly. Am I the only one who first read this as "Jobs, 54, passed on Tuesday"? Yikes!

      • Actually, I thought it was talking about actual jobs (as in unemployment) at first... guess that was wishful thinking :(
    • by geekmux (1040042)

      Jobs' 54th passed on Tuesday

      "Passed on", Gracie? Could you have chosen a worse phrase? Or where you trying to glom Google hits from the query: [jobs "passed on"]

      Nah, he was just hacking the stock market again. Lord knows with an iCon like that at the helm, two words like "passed on" translates to a 500% "loss" reversed with a 600% "gain" on the day...

  • It says Jobs passed on Tuesday! : o
  • Thank goodness! Like everyone, I've felt the crunch since the economy's been in the tank but I knew that eventually the jobs would return.

  • after dwindling activity on some usual chat haunts earlier.

    see how playing the secrecy game bites you in the end?

    draw your own conclusions, but at minimum, FTC is going to come down on Apple for inadequate disclosure, and thus stock manipulation. bet on it.

  • Good: Steve Jobs will be back on June
    Bad: (American) Jobs won't
  • by OglinTatas (710589) on Thursday February 26, 2009 @01:26PM (#27000181)

    Oh thank God, you're talking about apple. For a minute there I thought it was about the economy.

  • I don't think it was uncomfortable to have "Happy Birthday" being sung to a person not present, but rather uncomfortable because you're trying to sing to the CEO of the company. Seems a little strange...
    • I don't think it was uncomfortable to have "Happy Birthday" being sung to a person not present, but rather uncomfortable because you're trying to sing to the CEO of the company. Seems a little strange...

      If an iTree falls in the woods, and Steve is not around to hear it, does it still count for click revenue on iTunes?

  • by fuzzyfuzzyfungus (1223518) on Thursday February 26, 2009 @01:28PM (#27000219) Journal
    The Taxidermists are working night and day to have him ready for his triumphant return.
    • Oh lord...thats gold =D.
    • What will be the price per disk? [memory-alpha.org]

    • by Locke2005 (849178)
      No need for a taxidermist. With motion capture and 3D modelign, Pixar already has the technology to make him live forever, as long as all his speeches are via videoconference. "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain... I am the great and powerful Jobs!"
      • by timeOday (582209)
        You know, that could be a good movie plot. A silicon valley company conceals the death of their reclusive but revered founder and CEO to prop up their stock price using high technology. Rather than "weekend and Bernie's" they could go more philosophical, like the substitution of brand identity for individual identity. In the end the secret is revealed but the public is so fond of the cgi character, they don't care, and true believers claim he obtained immortality by choosing to discard his body after upl
        • A silicon valley company conceals the death of their reclusive but revered founder and CEO to prop up their stock price using high technology.

          SPOILER ALERT

          This was the principle plot behind Arnold Schwarzenegger's movie, The 6th Day [imdb.com], although there it was cloning, not holograms.
        • Be careful with "CGI Celebrity" plots, you don't want to get any epic fail [imdb.com] on you.
          • by Locke2005 (849178)
            That was 2002. The technology has evolved to the point where most of the scenes of Brad Pitt in "Benjamin Button" are in fact CGI, and it got Oscars for both makeup and special effects. (Why CGI counts as "makeup" is beyond me.) Although I'd still do motion capture from a real face for realistic movement, within the last year we have finally achieved the technology to actually make convincing virtual celebrities. We've come a long way from Virtual Valerie!
      • by dem0n1 (1170795)
        Videodrome.

        "My father has not engaged in conversation for at least twenty years. The monologue is his preferred mode of discourse."

  • It had be better a lot quicker than that, I'm running out of gas money.

  • Besides the summary making it seem like Steve Jobs is dead, the title made it seem like the economy was going to bounce back in less than 5 years.
  • Wow, I didn't think Obama could fix the economy so quickly! Yay, jobs for everone!
    • "Jobs On Track For June Return" hahaha, I was with you all the way, totally excited by the news. Then I read a bit, "What the hell?"
  • by tool462 (677306) on Thursday February 26, 2009 @01:40PM (#27000425)

    Doesn't he usually arise on Easter Sunday?

  • I don't care. But I do care enough to say so.

  • The mascot returns, good for Apple.
  • Anyone else read that as "Zune Return" and then belly-laugh?

  • It is "Jobs's health," not "Jobs' health." I am amazed at how many publications have gotten this wrong.

  • headlines (Score:1, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward

    Was I the only one who read the headline as the end of the recession? :/ duh!

  • by immakiku (777365) on Thursday February 26, 2009 @02:38PM (#27001393)
    Oh the CEO...
  • "...when several stockholders stood to sing 'Happy Birthday.'" You can't tell me it's not a for-profit cult. Just be happy they don't sell Kool-Aid in the Apple stores. ...then again.
  •   Jobs obviously wasn't present at the meeting, which might have made it rather uncomfortable when several stockholders stood to sing 'Happy Birthday.'

    ...followed by the usual Two Minutes' Hate

  • If he doesn't do it while he is still able to make such a graceful transition, the interests of the stockholders will not be served. When anything bad is reported about Job's health, Apple stock drops. (So much for corporations being beholden to the shareholders... that is just a convenient excuse after all isn't it? Corporate leaders continue to do whatever they want regardless of what shareholders think.) I can't imagine what will happen to Apple once Jobs is gone, but as I have ventured to guess in t

    • by cowscows (103644)

      Any successor that tries to be the "next Steve Jobs" is destined to fail. That doesn't mean that they shouldn't have some of his talents and/or skills, but just swapping him out with someone who talks like him and hoping to keep that "majick" going is not going to work. There are lots of ways to run a successful company, even Apple.

      A CEO that can keep Apple focused and efficient should do ok. The company has plenty of talented employees, decent products, and a very strong brand. As long as they continue to

    • by dwye (1127395)

      When anything bad is reported about Job's health, Apple stock drops. (So much for corporations being beholden to the shareholders... that is just a convenient excuse after all isn't it? Corporate leaders continue to do whatever they want regardless of what shareholders think.)

      Yeah. How dare he come down with a dangerous illness? His fiduciary duty to the other shareholders requires him to become immortal and impervious to all harm, ala Dr Manhattan in Watchmen (won't that have an effect on tales of the

      • by erroneus (253617)

        If there is anything selfish about the way he does things, it would be the way everything is done his way. Some would say that is his majick, his god-like vision. Whatever it is, it has made his successful company VERY dependent on him. When he is gone what then? When the founder of IBM left, did IBM lose any reputation or public image? I don't actually know what happened to stock value but I'll bet whatever happened, it was not particularly dramatic. Apple is Jobs... Jobs means Apple. The connection

  • by brunes69 (86786) <slashdot AT keirstead DOT org> on Thursday February 26, 2009 @03:09PM (#27001871) Homepage

    ... I thought this posting was about the economy.

  • by olddotter (638430) on Thursday February 26, 2009 @03:21PM (#27002031) Homepage

    http://www.cringely.com/2009/02/wheres-steve/ [cringely.com]

    Cringely's new block has post claiming Steve has dropped off the internet.

    Read what you want into that or take it with a grain of salt.

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