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The Almighty Buck Businesses Apple

Apple Disclosures About Jobs To Face SEC Review 187

Posted by CmdrTaco
from the they-really-hate-turtlenecks dept.
suraj.sun writes "US regulators are examining Apple Inc.'s disclosures about Chief Executive Officer Steve Jobs's health problems to ensure investors weren't misled, a person familiar with the matter said. The Securities and Exchange Commission's review doesn't mean investigators have seen evidence of wrongdoing, the person said, declining to be identified because the inquiry isn't public. Bloomberg News reported last week that Jobs is considering a liver transplant as a result of complications after treatment for cancer, according to people who are monitoring his illness."
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Apple Disclosures About Jobs To Face SEC Review

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  • by actionbastard (1206160) on Wednesday January 21, 2009 @11:55AM (#26546757)
    If Jobs is going to have one he'd better get in line, as I hear that Larry Hagman [wikipedia.org] has all available ones claimed.
  • by MikeDirnt69 (1105185) on Wednesday January 21, 2009 @12:21PM (#26547193) Homepage
    Yeah! What's the problem with a company trying to keep their Jobs?
    Oh, wait...
  • Mac World (Score:4, Funny)

    by MindlessAutomata (1282944) on Wednesday January 21, 2009 @12:37PM (#26547395)

    I'm a PC.

    Not like the rest, the others. Everyone around me. I was at odds with my society and knew it early since birth. Unlike them, I did not "Think Different!"--the mantra of the Macs around me, the phrase on all the billboards in the city that served as a reminder to its citizenry. Sameness pervaded the essence of my being and no amount of self-conditioning I did could change that. Eventually, I gave up and isolated myself emotionally from society.

    I gaze at the faces going by, the white earphones contrasting their black turtlenecks, connecting their ears to their pockets, their blank faces engrossed in hip Indie rock music and various garage bands. I envied them for their perfection against my flaws and my compulsive nature to expand, to burden my life with troubles instead of remaining, like them, simple and easy to deal with. The grandest of virtues, simplicity... the philosophy by our loyal benefactor Steve Jobs, who descended from the heavens, creating the Earth, the iron, the wind and the rain. Steve Jobs, who defined the parameters of existence, the one who set about the patterns of reality, the constants, the variables. He who made gravity, electromagnetic energy, and shaped atomic structures and brought forth motion. From these things, he crafted the elements, processed them, refined them, and from these things engineered Apple products through the purity of his mind. Each Apple product was individually crafted by his own hands with the programming code used to run each device having being compiled in his brain and uploaded to each device telepathically, breathing life and perfection into each and every unit.

    Except, it seems, for me, for I was not among the many. I was a PC. They were Macs. I've always been a cold, stiff person. I got by, disguising myself by keeping my non-Ipod music player safely out of sight, which I use because of my depraved nature demanding more functionality than the simple and easy-to-use Ipods have to offer... In the safety of my own home, behind locked doors, I ran a Forbidden, a contraband computer from more depraved, earlier days that was not given the love and blessing of being birthed by Steve Jobs. I dual booted, out of the great sin of curiosity-- curiosity, a shameful value of a PC, as curiosity has no place where simplicity matters most--using two of the great unutterable blasphemies-- something called "Windows Vista" and something else called "Linux." Although, as I mentioned before, although my tendency to be a PC and towards conformity has always been inherent to me, I was truly transformed when I found these old things in a hidden cache of computer parts predating The Purging. Perhaps the greatest sin of all, the single evil that, if discovered, would damn me forever, was the fact that my mouse had more than one button.

    As I walked on among the Macs on the streets, passing the Starbuckses as I went along, I wondered how it all came to this. I glanced at The Holy Marks on the foreheads as the people wandered down the streets, the Bitten Apple tattooed on all our of us at birth, and wondered if, perhaps, there could be something more to life. But again, this was a PC's thought, and not, like everyone elses', a Mac's. We were to hold ourselves to the philosophy of Steve Jobs--so as his products were designed for idiots, so too were we to be idiots. But I was not a Mac--I was not an idiot. I was simply too complicated to be a worthwhile person.

    Nature called. I found a nearby public iPoo--squeaky clean and shining white, things weren't all bad--and let myself go, expelling the waste that had accumulated inside me. After relieving myself and committing the overly-complicated and thus illegal act of wiping my ass (I did not flush as iPoos, designed to be idiot-proof, did not flush) I left and once again wandered the streets aimlessly, hoping to find some meaning in a world where I simply did not belong, a world where if my true nature was discovered, I would be endlessly persecuted by smug, self-righteous sons of bitches.

  • by jollyreaper (513215) on Wednesday January 21, 2009 @12:39PM (#26547423)

    I don't think Jobs was actually the one who came up with the iPod, and iWhatever they are (I'm not an Apple fanboy if you can't tell.).

    If you're talking about that desk lamp computer monstrosity, I think you mean the iSore.

  • by macwhizkid (864124) on Wednesday January 21, 2009 @12:42PM (#26547475)
    instead of, say, investigating alleged Ponzi schemes, [wikipedia.org]

    Having said that, I'd have to admit that I'm very much opposed to disclosing information about any company at the expense of one's personal health privacy. That has the potential for setting all sorts of uncomfortable precedents at "for profit" corporations.

    Let's face it, Wall Street isn't exactly a model for ethical behavior. I'd have a hard time being convinced that the SEC or shareholders should be involved in anyone's personal health at anything more than the actuarial statistics level.

  • by mangu (126918) on Wednesday January 21, 2009 @12:45PM (#26547551)

    Because anyone [wikipedia.org] would do fine as Apple's CEO...

  • by mk2mark (1144731) on Wednesday January 21, 2009 @01:02PM (#26547803) Homepage
    LEAVE STEVE-NEY ALONE!!!!!1!!
  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2009 @03:17PM (#26550087)

    So, let's say Jobs needs (I guess his doctors would decide if he needed it) a liver. Where does he get it?

    From a census taker, of course. Jobs can eat his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

  • by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday January 21, 2009 @06:15PM (#26552859)

    (I'm not saying that he'd take one from a living person of course, just that he would get bumped up to the front of the line)

    More like a living person would get bumped off. (And Jobs's value to society is very little. Unless he is working on the iRocket, which will divert the imminent asteroid strike, all the while playing sweet, sweet music)

  • by mindstormpt (728974) on Wednesday January 21, 2009 @06:27PM (#26553007) Homepage

    Obviously a whole legion of Apple fanboys will commit suicide so their liver can live on inside Jobs. And as he does not need to pay anyone, it's all good.

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