Dvorak to Apple - Stop The iPhone

eldavojohn writes "John Dvorak is advising Apple to cease all efforts on the iPhone, citing the mobile handset business as a 'buzz saw waiting to chop up newbies.' With Apple's image as a 'hot company that can do no wrong' on the line, Dvorak warns that the extremely fad-prone marketplace for cell phones will quickly turn the 'hot' iPhone passe'. Unless the company has several new models in the pipeline to release after the original offering, he says, they're likely to fail. 'If it's smart it will call the iPhone a "reference design" and pass it to some suckers to build with someone else's marketing budget. Then it can wash its hands of any marketplace failures.'"

Oh good...

[rolfwind]

I wasn't sure how the iPhone would fare, but now that Dvorak is against it - I can rest assured it will be a success.

OMG!

[Flounder]

Apple should totally listen to Dvorak! He's brilliant and always spot on and always knows what's right for Apple...

Oh, wait. JOHN Dvorak? Nevermind.

Just ask Bono!

[Trails]

Unless the company has several new models in the pipeline to release after the original offering,

Yeah, just like they did with the iPod. You know. They released the iPod, and then that was it and they never did anything else, or came out with new models. There's still only the one type of iPod you can buy and that's it. I live in Azerbeijan.

Thank God for John C. Dvorak

[JoeWalsh]

Without John, how would I know what's not going to happen in the future?

More advice for Apple

[Dasher42]

Also consider dropping OSX. We're all using OS/2 now.

Re:Dvorak Economic Model

[Imagix]

Doesn't that depend on a Slashdot reader to RTFA ?

Apple already reinventing the iPhone

[Mr.Progressive]

Unless the company has several new models in the pipeline to release after the original offering, he says, they're likely to fail.

Good thing Apple is already working hard [theonion.com] to make sure the iPhone is laughably obsolete upon release.

Re:Slashdot to Dvorak: Stop the Apple Trolling!

[$RANDOMLUSER]

Ask not for whom he trolls, he trolls for thee.

Why does Dvorak get posted here?

[coolgeek]

Article by John Dvorak
(-99,000) Troll

Re:Dvorak Economic Model

[Rakshasa Taisab]

I thought no one RTFA, so where is the profit?

The credentials speak for themselves

[Wuhao]

It's a good thing Dvorak is an intelligent, experienced businessman who has himself run a highly successful, multi-billion dollar company similar to Apple, and not just some blabbering wash-up with a column.

Re:Oh good...

[Anonymous Coward]

Just like his keyboard.

Wow, this man is so brilliant

[joto]

I can't understand why Apple haven't hired him yet. I mean, does there exist anyone that can beat his predictions, except perhaps Nostradamus?

Had the major companies listened to everything Dvorak says, they would have been rich by now!

Re:Apple just markets products.

[AKAImBatman]

They haven't made a product since the original mac 20 years ago. They just re-brand stuff from Taiwan and add a "cool factor" that some people pay a premium for.

Why, John! I didn't know you posted on Slashdot!

Suddenly it all makes sense. All the trolls, the bad arguments, the poor attempts at putting Apple down. It was you the whole time, wasn't it? Oh John, you're such a kidder!

Re:Give me an iTon

[soft_guy]

I want the iPhone to be just a PDA. For me, they can drop the phone-function, leaving the rest.

That's a great idea because we all know the market for stand-alone PDAs is just booming...

Re:Slashdot to Dvorak: Stop the Apple Trolling!

[Alzheimers]

Obviously the guy's a moron -- I mean, no one I know of even uses his bass-ackwards keyboard layouts!

Re:Dvorak Economic Model

[JohnSearle]

1) Say something braindead and contrarian about Apple
2) Get it posted on slashdot to flame contreversy
3) Get eyeballs on published work
4) Profit

What Dvorak surely needs here is some gnomes to streamline his economic model.. this four step model is far too convoluted to work.

- John

Re:Slashdot to Dvorak: Stop the Apple Trolling!

[iPaul]

Before commenting I always read the story or stories indicated. However, in this case I realized my mistake as soon as I clicked the link. I gave that bofoon one more hit to drive his hit count up. Maybe I'll start posting articles on my blog like:

Microsoft - Should get out of the operating systems business and start a chain of chicken finger restaurants.
Oracle - Relational databases are just a fad, they should diversify into concrete.
Apple - Should just liquidate the company and payout the sharholders (oops - Michael Dell beat me to that one).
Hooters - Is there a Hooters O/S in the works? It should be built on BSD with a Linux Kernel, .NET GUI and Open GL based file-system.
Linux - Who would ever use a non-Unix Unix clone? It'll never make it in the server market. Trovalds should build an aquarium.
Google - Who needs search? I already have everything worth reading bookmarked.
Gartner - They're always soo right about the future, they should publish lottery numbers.
Amazon - No one will ever get that Amazon sells books, they should sell snakes, large bugs and other things found in the actual Amazon.
NASA - Should use string cheese to build the world's first space elevator.
Doctors - From now on they should only operate on the healthy, where survival is much more likely.
Viagra - Should exclusively market itself on the Internet using spam.

and finally!!!

Slashdot - Nerds don't care about news. I bet they don't get any postings or hits.

This way I can drive my advertising revenue up and get quoted a lot, even if I'm bizarrly and outrageously mistaken.

Inconceivable

[Anonymous Coward]

As I told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways inconceivable. There is no likelihood that Apple can be successful in a business this competitive, and there is no evidence that it can play the game fast enough. - Out of curiosity, why do you ask?

Goat entrails?

[Anonymous Coward]

> Without John, how would I know what's not going to happen in the future?

Goat entrails. Believe it or not, they're just as accurate (if not more) than he is :-)
Of course, that's not saying much...

Re:Well if Dvorak doesn't like it...

[Viper Daimao]

The man is a giant windbag of nerd conspiracy theories and technical misunderstanding. Why do the slashdot eds. slurp up all of his moonshot predictions?

See the previous sentence.

Re:My idea for a cell phone. Someone steal it

[cyfer2000]

There is a job opening at NSA.

Re:Well if Dvorak doesn't like it...

[Bastard of Subhumani]

I quite like his New World Symphony. On the other hand, I never really got on with his keyboard. Overall, I'd say I'm neutral.

Re:Slashdot to Dvorak: Stop the Apple Trolling!

[hiroller]

Are you kidding me? I absolutely love his keyboard layouts! I use it anytime I find a co-worker that has left his station unlocked! http://www.microsoft.com/enable/training/windowsxp /keyboardlayout.aspx [microsoft.com] ;)

Re:3G

[sootman]

Sorry, this thread is for bashing Dvorak and Zonk. Any actual insightful comments should be reserved for a later article on the iPhone. The next iPhone story--possibly from a more benign source, like CNet--should be up shortly. Check back in about two hours.

Re:Well if Dvorak doesn't like it...

[RealSurreal]

I think you're looking for this : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joke [wikipedia.org]

Re:Slashdot to Dvorak: Stop the Apple Trolling!

[Tanktalus]

But it's NOT similar to Oracle starting to sell concrete.

Oh, I don't know about that... have you ever USED Oracle?

:-)

Re:Slashdot to Dvorak: Stop the Apple Trolling!

[HTTP Error 403 403.9]

I get the impression that 25 years ago, Steve Jobs stole Dvorak's chick.

Try to play that symphony on his keyboard ...

[porky_pig_jr]

NT