Steve Jobs Undergoes Cancer Surgery

Zycom writes "Reuters reports that doctors successfully removed a cancerous tumor from the pancreas of Apple CEO Steve Jobs. In an e-mail he sent out from his hospital bed after the surgery he explained the disease, saying, "I had a very rare form of pancreatic cancer called an islet cell neuroendocrine tumor, which represents about 1 percent of the total cases of pancreatic cancer diagnosed each year, and can be cured by surgical removal if diagnosed in time (mine was)." He will not need to have any chemotherapy or radiation therapy and has an excellent prognosis. While he is recuperating, Tim Cook, head of worldwide sales and operations, will run the company."

Alrighty then!

[erick99]

Jobs was informed, prior to surgery, that there were no user serviceable parts within his pancreas but he could have his pancreas refurbished/rebuilt for a reasonable fee.

Cheers!

Erick

now watch Gates copy him

[Anonymous Coward]

and remove his anus

Virex 7.2 caught it.

[SYFer]

Your virus definitions (DAT files) were last updated June 09, 2004, and may be out of date. Please download and install new ones as soon as possible.

Your virus definitions were last updated on July 21, 2004, and appear to be up to date.

Cleaning Scan started at 2004-08-01 20:04:43 -0700Scanning /Users/steve/pancreas/*
Scanning file /Users/steve/pancreas/cells.org...

Summary report on /Users/steve/pancreas/*
File(s)
Total files: ... 50
Clean: ... 49
Not scanned: ... 0
Cleaned: ... 1

Congratulations, Steve jobs! Huzzah! LiveSTRONG!

Nothing like cancer...

[nmoog]

To keep the "funny" posts away.

Correction

[Anonymous Coward]

It was iSurgery for an iCancerous iTumor.

If I were the surgeon...

[TiMac]

...I don't think I'd be able to resist the temptation to say "By the way, I'm a hardcore Windows fan" right as he went under anesthesia. Then tell him the truth when he came back around.

RDF

[Anonymous Coward]

I guess too much RDF causes cancer....

Apple is Doomed!

[Anonymous Coward]

Obligatory Apple is Doomed Comment.

I Wonder...

[Op7imus_Prim3]

was the operation covered under Applecare?

New Study shows

[Cyberglich]

That droping acid to design new computer poducts causes cancer.

What!?

[xpurple]

You mean he's not immortal!?

cancerous tumor?

[Anonymous Coward]

Reuters reports that doctors successfully removed a cancerous tumor from the pancreas of Apple CEO Steve Jobs.

They called it Microsoft.

Yeah, yeah, cancer isn't funny. But karma whoring overcomes all.

c'mon

[giampy]

there must have been some pieces of APPLE somewhere there !!!

Double-take

[mikeophile]

While he is recuperating, Tim Cook, head of worldwide sales and operations, will run the company.

Am I the only one who read the word "run" as "ruin" on first read?

Seriously, folks

[justin_saunders]

This is a good time to reflect on our own mortality.

For all the whining, posing, Microsoft/Apple/Linux bashing we do; for all the work related stress we put up with and all the missed opportunities to spend time with loved ones; we only have a limited time on Earth.

The most important thing is....
..eh who cares. I JUST WANNA PLAY DOOM 3.

And get well Steve. Take the time off to think about how great a colour iPod with bluetooth would be.

cheers,
Justin.

Oh, and one more thing...

[tm2b]

I find it interesting the way it was all handled, outside of stock trading hours.

I wonder if his doctor had a dark enough sense of humor to say something like,
"Well, we got your test results back. Your liver is fine, your heart is great, and your pulmonary health is excellent.
Oh, and one more thing..."

Great to hear he'll be fine.

Well You Know What They Say....

[Snagle]

An apple a day keeps the cancer away.....oh....guess not.

Get well soon steve

Re:Alrighty then!

[Anonymous Coward]

That's Apple alright. He couldn't go with the standard pancreatic cancer, instead opting for the proprietary form.

Re:Alrighty then!

[EverDense]

I have a prediction:

Bill Gates will get cancer in about 10 years time.
He will then file a slew of patents, like he was
the first head of a major computing corporation
to ever have it.

All the Apple-ites will then point out that Steve
Jobs had cancer, 10 years before Bill Gates.

The more historical pedantic will then point out
that the head of Xerox had cancer back in the 70s.

Ah-ha!

[iamdrscience]

If an apple a day truly kept the doctor away then this never would have happened. I knew that saying was just marketing hype.

Whaaa!!

[krel]

Holy shit! My heart nearly stopped when I read the headline! STEVE is the glue that holds the world together; if He were to (somehow?) die, everything man ever created, everything that has ever been important to the entirety of the human race would be instantly, violently destroyed!
STEVE is much more than a feeble that He is. STEVE is literally everything, and thus everything is STEVE. If STEVE were to be undone, so would all of creation.
Which ever doctor banished that satanic tumor deserves an annual day of celebration.

rumor sites

[SuperBanana]

Reuters reports that doctors successfully removed a cancerous tumor from the pancreas of Apple CEO Steve Jobs.

Thus dispelling rumors circulating for days (on MacOSRumors et al) that Steve was:

• Getting his penis enlarged
• undergoing liposuction
• having a gender-change operation (both sexes, for compatibility)
• having breast implants installed

....and of course, various other unsubstantiated rumors not worth mentioning (everyone figured out the bionic legs were bogus right away).

Re:Steve is now a Type-1 Diabetic :-(

[Performaman]

I guess he'll introduce an Apple Insulin pump now. But it will only take proprietary, Apple-approved GRM (Genetic Rights Management) insulin, which you can buy for 99 cents per injection, or pay $9.99 for an entire day's worth.

Jobs used the wrong hospital

[green pizza]

Jobs should have had these folks work on his pancreas, he would have saved a bundle!

http://www.ipodbattery.com/ [ipodbattery.com]

Re:What!?

[Shky]

Well quite clearly he is.

Re:Alrighty then!

[ericdano]

Oh, I suppose The swedes taking the counterstrike championship [slashdot.org] is more important?

Or maybe The budget Athlon from a gamer's view [slashdot.org]????

Re:A link to his letter

[daviddennis]

I wish Steve all the best, but I had to laugh at this line at the end of his letter:

PS: I'm sending this from my hospital bed using my 17-inch PowerBook and an Airport Express.

That's our Steve, always promoting his products!

Of course that doesn't mean they're not great, and he doesn't have every right to do so, because they is and he does. But somehow I had to laugh, perhaps at his resiliance more than anything else. Life goes on, right?

D

haha what?

[vena]

PS: I'm sending this from my hospital bed using my 17-inch PowerBook and an Airport Express.

dude's in the hospital and still manages a plug. bravo, mate.

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Jobs' Dirty Secret

[OrthodonticJake]

Jobs' Unreplaceable Pancreas Lasts Only 588 Months!!

Words Steve didn't want to hear as he went under.

[nlinecomputers]

Damn. It blue screened AGAIN?

Nah, he'll never get rid of Ballmer.

[Anonymous Coward]

I couldn't resist. It was futile.

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:haha what?

[Anonymous Coward]

Airport Express has been found to cause cancer if kept too close.

Re:now watch Gates copy him

[squidinkcalligraphy]

Then where would Microsoft pull its software from?

Re:A Wake Up Call?

[phrasebook]

Live your life as if you are going to be dead tomorrow.

Okay that makes sense. Here is my plan for every day of the rest of my life:

7am: wake up, eat an enormous breakfast
8am - midday: make funeral arrangements
afternoon: give away my cds, computer etc.
night: go look at the stars, or something

7am: wake up, eat an enormous breakfast
8am - midday: make funeral arrangements
afternoon: give away my cds, computer etc.
night: go look at the stars, or something

7am: wake up, eat an enormous breakfast
8am - midday: make funeral arrangements
afternoon: give away my cds, computer etc.
night: go look at the stars, or something

7am: wake up, eat an enormous breakfast
8am - midday: make funeral arrangements
afternoon: give away my cds, computer etc.
night: go look at the stars, or something

7am: wake up, eat an enormous breakfast
8am - midday: make funeral arrangements
afternoon: give away my cds, computer etc.
night: go look at the stars, or something

7am: wake up, eat an enormous breakfast
8am - midday: make funeral arrangements
afternoon: give away my cds, computer etc.
night: go look at the stars, or something ...

Re:Alrighty then!

[dnahelix]

I've always thought those Xerox machines made a funny smell...

Taking up a PayPal collection...

[cabra771]

Ok everybody, let's get together and buy Steve an iPod to cheer him up a little.

Re:Alrighty then!

[Anonymous Coward]

Steve has announced generation five of his pancreas, and is also announcing his Pancreas Mini. The best thing is, he can have his pancreas in funky colors now.

Re:Alrighty then!

[danamania]

...and couldn't resist putting a bit of a spin on it [danamania.com].

Re:Alrighty then!

[kdogg73]

I understand that Microsoft is flipping for the bill on Steve's treatment. Spare no expense for their ongoing idea source.

Poor Tim

[victor_the_cleaner]

So how many times do you think Steve is going to be checking in on Tim? I say he gets about 5-10 calls per day, then of course Steve will show up for un-announced visits.

I certainly hope there is not a single slip-up when Steve is gone, otherwise Tim is out the door in September.

Re:I like Apple products

[hkb]

Actually, they're brushed metal, like Iron Man.

Rumors

[peteMG]

Perhaps the next big thing coming up is:

• Apple announces they'll be at some big medical conference
• It's found out that Steve is giving the keynote
• He talks about Apple's work in biotech and other scientific applications..
• one more thing...
• "We've developed a new piece of software. We call it 'Doctor'. Together with some beautiful new hardware, it can really do amazing things.. and I'd like to show it to you now."
• cue video of a PowerBook
• performing the cancer surgery
• on steve
• by itself
• conference center thrown into chaos; Steve escapes by helicopter
• international frenzy ensues. Apple stock rises 339948290580% (profit)

Best wishes for luck and a speedy recovery.

Something to Pass the Time

[not_hylas( )]

Dear Steve,
Here are a few things to help you pass the time (yes, we know you read Slashdot).
You are for all intents and purposes "on mandatory holiday", make the most of it.
We assume you have a Powerbook on your roll over table and some kind of mouse, so shoo everyone away and have 'em close the door.

First update your OS, go to ...err, nevermind.

Hmmmm, to get started, let's smack some penguins.

http://henriluoma.net/pingu/

If anyone comes in, go here on a tab in Safari, CLICK! lalalala-I'm doing business.

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8& pr ev=/search%3Fq%3DAAPL%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D%26ie%3DUTF -8%26sa%3DG&q=stocks:AAPL+

OK, that's enough excitement, chill for a bit, this is a girl I used to know - made a few records back in the day, you might like it.

http://www.universalrecords.com/quicktime/ediebr ic kell/

OK, awake? Let's have some real fun, First, get a throw away email account.

http://mail.yahoo.com/?.intl=us

You know get a screen account name like "ByteMe!@yahoo.com"

Set?
So, ask yourself what have you wanted to say to some of these jokers on certain sites that you couldn't because, well, you haven't had the time?

Go crazy. the Hospitals IP number IS temporary, right?

(practice your maniacal laugh) It helps if you give the morphine drip a couple of sqeezes. :-) Having fun yet?

Take a break, more music.

http://corinnesmusic.com/

(yeah, I like her)

Back?

What to do, what to do ... (tap, tap, tap).
These guys are always fun:

http://www.appleturns.com/

Don't split a stitch Steve-o.

Alrighty then, since your're pretty much left to your own devices here, I think the Army still has that free shoot 'em up on their site:

http://www.americasarmy.com/

I know you got the hang of it, so I'll be wishing you the best, get well, you know we love you.
(Never mind the Bullocks ...)

P.S. Ask for the ICE CREAM - they have it you know.