Apple Patented by Microsoft 336
An anonymous reader writes "C|net is reporting that Microsoft received a patent on Tuesday for a new variety of apple tree. U.S. Plant Patent 14,757, granted to Robert Burchinal of East Wenatchee, Wash., and assigned to Microsoft, covers a new type of tree discovered in the early 1990s in the Wenatchee area, a major commercial apple-growing region. Dubbed the 'Burchinal Red Delicious,' the tree is notable for producing fruit that achieves a deep red color significantly earlier than other varieties. It is sold commercially as the 'Adams Apple.'" Apparently, the assignation of the patent to Microsoft was an error. Or so they would have us believe ...
Coming really soon... (Score:4, Funny)
Plant Patents (Score:5, Funny)
And you thought THAT was bad (Score:3, Funny)
Let's end this now (Score:3, Funny)
Re:It isn't even april.... (Score:4, Funny)
Microsoft Patent : You (Score:2, Funny)
wow (Score:5, Funny)
Interesting. (Score:5, Funny)
A tree (Score:2, Funny)
So... (Score:5, Funny)
Error. (Score:5, Funny)
A Microsoft spokesman refused to comment on the substance of the error, but alluded to a secret project named "Money Tree". When corrected that money does not in fact grow on trees, but rather on bushes and shrubs, the Microsoft spokesman paused in contemplation, then ran quickly to his car shouting "Eureka!". Microsoft stock finished up 1/4 to land at 26.30.
Worms (Score:2, Funny)
This story does not have enough jokes. Really. (Score:5, Funny)
"sold commercially as the 'Adams Apple'"
We need some more, like...
"Just some more worms for Microsoft"
"Do they have plans for authentication?"
"Microsoft shows the softer side of a monopoly"
...and so on...
Tsk Tsk (Score:5, Funny)
In other news... (Score:5, Funny)
Apple Tree? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Coming really soon... (Score:5, Funny)
That would be their next bold move [azlyrics.com].
Re:Microserfs have a sense of humour too! (Score:5, Funny)
I think you mean poplar. *snicker*
You know! Like the tree!
Apples grow on trees! It's a tree joke!
Anybody? Please? *sigh*
There goes my hope for ever having a +5 Funny post . . .philistines . . .
Forbidden Fruit (Score:3, Funny)
But it *Was* a Mistake (Score:5, Funny)
Said an unnamed representative from the USPTO, "Oops, sorry, that one was supposed to go to Monsanto. Honestly, keeping track of evil amoral corporations these days is a real Pain-in-the-Ass(R)."
Schwab
Oh the madness! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Error. (Score:2, Funny)
Well, we all know what a house of assignation [infoplease.com] the Patent Office has become lately, so it's no surprise to me that these sorts of things are going on!
Oh great. (Score:5, Funny)
Comment removed (Score:5, Funny)
If I know Microsoft (Score:3, Funny)
Apple is sueing... (Score:4, Funny)
Rumors are going wild about Microsoft thinking seriously to throw the towel and rename it's invention Aspire.
Re:Microsoft Patent : You (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Lindows meet Microsoft (Score:5, Funny)
dispute! (Score:5, Funny)
-God
Re:Error. (Score:5, Funny)
Would that be a microsoft hegemony?
"hedge o money"?
nevermind.
I used to have an example of prior art.... (Score:5, Funny)
They just give it to them by default now (Score:5, Funny)
Validation error (Score:2, Funny)
Assignation (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Interesting. (Score:5, Funny)
At random times during consumption, the apple will unexpectedly evacuate your stomach and you will have to start over.
You will be charged a yearly subscription fee for eating the apple whether you actually ate any of it or not. However you will get a slightly reduced rate by agreeing to eat the apple (and nothing but the apple) for the rest of your life.
Orchard (Score:2, Funny)
Next up, SCO (Score:2, Funny)
Stay tuned.
Re:Oh great. (Score:1, Funny)
Re:dispute! (Score:5, Funny)
Yeah, like you've got any lawyers up there.
Warning! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Coming really soon... (Score:5, Funny)
Prior Art (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Why is this news? (Score:4, Funny)
Did you just describe... (Score:1, Funny)
Jeez! it not even arbor day.... (Score:2, Funny)
Worms... (Score:5, Funny)
Oh Come on, at least I didnt say "Imagine a beowolf cluster of these"
Re:Coming really soon... (Score:5, Funny)
END-USER LICENSE AGREEMENT FOR MICROSOFT ORGANIC SUBSTANCES
IMPORTANT-READ CAREFULLY: This Microsoft End-User License Agreement ("EULA") is a legal agreement between you (either an individual or a single entity) and Microsoft Corporation for the Microsoft organic substance accompanying this EULA, which includes glucose and may include associated media, printed materials, and "online" or electronic documentation ("ORGANIC SUBSTANCE" or "FRUIT"). By exercising your rights to make and use copies of the ORGANIC SUBSTANCE, you agree to be bound by the terms of this EULA. If you do not agree to the terms of this EULA, you may not use the SOFTWARE PRODUCT.
Fruit PRODUCT LICENSE
The ORGANIC SUBSTANCE is protected by copyright laws and international copyright treaties, as well as other intellectual property laws and treaties. The ORGANIC SUBSTANCE is licensed, not sold.
1. GRANT OF LICENSE. This EULA grants you the following rights:
Installation and Use. You may consume, use, access, display, or otherwise interact with ("RUN") a copy of the FRUIT for your personal, noncommercial use only. You may RUN the FRUIT on a Fruitbowl area network (FAN) or the Internet and you acknowledge that client fruit Burchinal Red Delicious Apple supports a maximum of 16 players. Neither the ORGANIC SUBSTANCE nor this EULA gives you any rights to use the Internet, the client software for Burchinal Red Delicious Apple, or any on-line or other services or fruits that may be necessary to use all features associated with the ORGANIC SUBSTANCE. The right to any additional services or fruit as described herein is subject to the end-user license agreement associated therewith and may be subject to additional charges.
Reproduction and Distribution. You may reproduce and distribute copies of the ORGANIC SUBSTANCE; provided that a) each copy shall be a true and complete copy, including all copyright and trademark notices; b) each copy shall be accompanied by a copy of this EULA; and c) such distribution shall not be for commercial purposes.
2. DESCRIPTION OF OTHER RIGHTS AND LIMITATIONS.
Limitations on Reverse Engineering, Decompilation, and Disassembly. You may not reverse engineer, decompile, or disassemble the ORGANIC SUBSTANCE, except and only to the extent that such activity is expressly permitted by applicable law notwithstanding this limitation.
Separation of Components. The ORGANIC SUBSTANCE is licensed as a single product. Its component parts may not be separated for use on more than one human.
Fruit Transfer. You may permanently transfer all of your rights under this EULA, provided the recipient agrees to the terms of this EULA.
Termination. Without prejudice to any other rights, Microsoft may terminate this EULA if you fail to comply with the terms and conditions of this EULA. In such event, you must destroy all copies of the ORGANIC SUBSTANCE and all of its component parts.
Multiplayer Play. This ORGANIC SUBSTANCE may contain features which allow you to host games for other players games in connection with the ORGANIC SUBSTANCE over a network or the Internet ("Multiplayer Play"). By using such features or otherwise engaging in Multiplayer Play, you agree that Microsoft or its agents may generate, store and transmit certain information which identifies your MOUTH to other MOUTHS for purposes of Multiplayer Play. You also agree that the ORGANIC SUBSTANCE may continue to generate, store and transmit such game information as necessary for Multiplayer Play. You agree that Multiplayer Play is not supervised or otherwise under the control of Microsoft or its agents. You acknowledge and agree that Microsoft and its agents have no control over or responsibility for your experience while engaged in Multiplayer Play, or any content or other information or data you may create, encounter or receive, including chat, while you are engaged in Multiplayer Play.
3. COPYRIGHT.
Re:It isn't even april.... (Score:3, Funny)
that's what you think. I hold the patent on human life! pay up!
-matt
Re:Oh great. (Score:3, Funny)
By Toutatis!! The sky is fa--oh nevermind we've covered that.
Re:Prior Art (Score:3, Funny)
Re:It isn't even april.... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:please enlighten us (Score:2, Funny)
Once upon a time warp...
In a galaxy very, very, very,
very, far away there lived
a ruthless race of beings
known as...Spaceballs.
Chapter Eleven
The evil leaders of Planet
Spaceball, having foolishly
squandered their precious
atmosphere, have devised a
secret plan to take every
breath of air away from
their peace-loving neighbor,
Planet Druidia.
Today is Princess Vespa's
wedding day. Unbeknownst
to the princess but knownst
to us, danger lurks in the
stars above...
If you can read this, you
don't need glasses.
----
DVD Details at Amazon [amazon.com]
Now, back to work...
---
Free MS Toaster (Score:2, Funny)
*Please note MS toaster can only be used with MS butter and MS bread
Re:Coming really soon... (Score:5, Funny)
The answer (Score:3, Funny)
How about:
Dark Helmet: (low tone) The way Microsoft manages things it won't last six months.
-JemWhat's the difference... (Score:2, Funny)
One's probably infested with worms,
and the other one's a rotten apple.
Re:It isn't even april.... (Score:4, Funny)
Understandable... that's the default in the "Patent Holder" field.
assignation (Score:5, Funny)
Re:It isn't even april.... (Score:3, Funny)
ATTENTION: LEAKED FROM THE BOWELS OF THE MICROSOFT UNDERGROUND
Deep inside the complex maze of offices at Redmond, microsoft is working on genetically modifying humans to produce THE PERFECT MCSE. After some trials on apple trees, they were practicing creating something that looks and tastes nice, but leaves a disgusting aftertaste. Now they are shifting focus to humans. The perfect MSCE has the following qualities:
Certainly there are more features, but I can't list them all. This is what I was able to smuggle out of there. Also, rumors say that the first few prototypes got horribly wrong and came out as hardcore apple and amiga zealots. They promptly killed themselves when dicovering the Windows Logo(tm) shaped mole.
(Yes, this is a joke, and totally fictional and impossible)
Re:The answer (Score:2, Funny)
Change of profile ? (Score:2, Funny)
All your digits are belong to us (Score:2, Funny)
In short, I now have the patent on these and if you are using them without my permission then you are in violation. My legal advisors Mr. Riaa and Mr. Sco have advised me that anyone sending typed correspondance must be using "fingers" and can be named on a mass supeana and sued.
(that counts for mod'ng me down also)