Microsoft Switcher Ads: Part 2

burgburgburg writes "We all recall Microsoft's last attempt to emulate the Apple Switch ads. Well, it seems they're at it again. MacNN reports that Microsoft has sent out emails to those who have recently registered MS products, looking for candidates for their 'Sensible Solutions' campaign, which will 'highlight computer professionals that have recently converted from Apple Computer products to Microsoft based systems.' Do you qualify? You must be 'a US resident with a minimum of 3 years experience as a computer professional. You must have used an Apple Computer product and a Microsoft based system as part of your work'. So when does it just stop being the sincerest form of flattery and just become utter, pathetic laziness?"

Mac User

[AyeFly]

I have been using computers since the late 80's. In fact, in the beginning we used AppleIIs, for artwork etc... now that im 17 years older, I have switched to Photoshop on a WinXP platform.

would that count O:-)

More requirements

[yuckf00]

You must also have a picture on a photo library CD.

When does it start being pathetic?

[Senjutsu]

Right about ... now.

Hi, my name is Bob...

[Sp00nMan]

I recently switched to Windows XP, because my Mac Powerbook is broken. So while I wait for that to get fixed, I borrowed a PC from work. I can't wait to get my Mac back.. oh wait, was I not supposed to say that? Do I still get paid?!

But, can Microsoft top THIS?

[Anonymous Coward]

I was writing a paper, and it was, like, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

And then, like, half of my paper was gone.

And I was, like, heh. It devoured my paper.

It was a really good paper. And then I had to do it again and I had to do it fast so it wasn't as good.

It's kind of a bummer.

Ellen "MS" Feiss

[Anonymous Coward]

What Microsoft needs is an Ellen Feiss equivalent. How are they going to get her if they ask for 3 years experience as a computer professional?

Here is a start from myself (Bill Gates)

[Billly Gates]

Look here! [macboy.com]

Oh shit I am suppose to say how I switched to XP. Uh, nevermind.

Which is lamer...

[SchnauzerGuy]

• Microsoft, for seeking people who register Microsoft software for their "switcher" ads.
• People who actually register Microsoft software.

Sure...

[Wyatt Earp]

Depends how much MS will pay me.

I've got a PC with XP sitting here, right next to my TiBook, 17" iMac, CRT iMac, G3 Powerbook, OS X Servers...

I'm sensable, I use my PC for the same things my GameCube and PS2 are for...games.

I'm a switcher...

[NetDrain]

So like, I had this Mac. But I started hanging with this "other" crowd, and they were all PC users, so like, I am too now. It's been good. But now I have leprosy. Is that supposed to come with WinXP? Is it a feature or something? My name's night, and I'm a bell-jingling diseased rodent. : D /my Karma has just committed suicide.

Cynical Reply

[LongJohnStewartMill]

They'll probably get some confession like,

"Well, I've been using a Macintosh Plus for about 17 years now, and I decided it was high time I got an upgrade. One meg of RAM can only take you so far..."

Switcher's Story Grammar File

[robbyjo]

I found out that the switcher's story is recursively enumerable. Below is the grammar. Feel free to use this for your application essay.

Hi, my name is <IDENTIFIER>. I am (a|an) <IDENTIFIER> [from <IDENTIFIER>].

I used (Apple|Macintosh) version <FLOAT_LITERAL> for <INTEGER_LITERAL> (years|months) doing (documents | spreadsheets | databases | video editing | MP3 listening | surfing the net | <OTHER_FUN_JOBS>)+. It was all (fun | very nice | pleasant experience) at the beginning.

But, later on I discovered that (it has only one mouse button | some software I bought wasn't supported | their hardwares are so expensive | <REASON_WHY_IT_SUCKS>)+. Since I was only (a yet another broke graduate students | an unemployed bum | a clueless luser | <REASON_WHY_I_SUCKS>)+, I found out that their solution is [completely | absolutely] unviable.

(Enter | Here comes) Microsoft. They provide me (MS Office | MS Windows | <OTHER_MS_SOFTWARE>)+. It is really (a panacea | working like magic | <REASON_WHY_ITS_GREAT>)+. Now I can (surfing a lot faster | do my spreadsheet even better | <OTHER_PRAISES>)+. Even more, I can get added bonus, like (the great blue screen | DRM constricted media player | compulsory activation | <OTHER_STUFF>)+, which makes my computer eXPerience even better.

Now that I switched. How about you?

Re:I actually met a reverse switcher today.

[Stu May]

Trust me, if enough people report problems with the same site, Apple WILL figure out a way to fix it.

Am I the only one envisioning Apple doing a cost-benefit analysis of a code fix vs. sending hired goons to visit the offending website's developers?

Re:So since Apple's market share is now below 3%..

[punkmanandy]

well, if you were under 18 when Windows ME came out, then, yes, Gates did rape you as a child.

I made the switch.

[mikeophile]

I'm a computer tech for a large office.

When we were using Apple computers, my job was in serious danger of being downsized. They were easy to use and almost never crashed.

Fortunately, due to Microsoft license incentives, my company switched to PC's running Windows.

What a relief! The stress I was suffering over job security is gone! In fact, I just got a fat raise because the bosses have seen how hard I've been working.

Sure, I'm busier now, and I may not have the spare time to check Slashdot incessantly, but that's why they call it work, right?

Re:This is pretty sad

[Malcontent]

"Their copying apple with a succesful campaign but coming too late to the party. "

Don't you know the meaning of "innovation"? it means "we copy other peoples stuff and put our own name on it". MS has a right to "innovate" you know.

Re:Switch me -- harder !

[cpsc2005]

Please come back to the Windows side.
The new Luna skin is just as colorful, and our new MSN 8 is even better.

It's better with the Butterfly!

with more gayness,

Bill Gayes
CEO, Microsoft.

Re:Switch Ads (for Linux)

[Zelet]

You are wrong it goes like this:

windows is for gamers
linux is for computer pros
Macs are for Linux users who want an office suite

Re:Of course!

[D+iz+a+n+k+Meister]

It would hardly qualify as an 'ad' if the 'ad' was information-rich.

That would be called a manual.

I have to agree about the vomitous mass rising in my throat when I think about apple marketing. I never understood why anyone would want to celebrate their ignorance like that.

Would Yoyo Ma be down with a more "outside the box" brand of cellos?

Who wants to spend Christmas practicing cello? Now I can just put the cello between my legs and beautiful music comes out. It lets me get in there and tinker. It just works.

Ellen Feiss switwhing to Windows?

[vierja]

I don't see Ellen Feiss switching back to Windows :)

Switchers Prayer

[djupedal]

The unrighteous stumble against thee that they may be justly plagued, fleeing from thy gentleness and colliding with thy justice, and falling on their own rough paths. For in truth they do not know that thou art everywhere; that no place contains thee, and that only thou art near even to those who switch and go farthest from thee.

Let them, therefore, switch and seek thee, because even if they have abandoned thee, their Creator, thou hast not abandoned thy creatures. Let them switch back and seek thee--and lo, thou art there in their hearts, there in the hearts of those who confess and switch to thee.

And where was I when I was seeking thee? There thou wast, before me; but I had switched, even from myself, and I could not find myself, much less thee.

For my prayer is not for earthly things, neither gold nor silver and precious stones, nor gorgeous apparel, nor honors and power, nor fleshly pleasures, nor of bodily necessities in this life of our pilgrimage: all of these things are "added" to those who switch.

Re:I made the switch to Linux

[xtremex]

I'm a computer tech for a large global enterprise.

When we were using windows computers, my job was in serious danger of being downsized. They were easy to use and and everyone and their mother was an MCSE.

Fortunately, due to Microsoft licenses, my company switched to PC's running Linux.
What a relief! The stress I was suffering over job security is gone! In fact, I just got a fat raise because the bosses think that Linux is so difficult, yet I never work!

I've learned needlepoint. And I knitted a blanket. Oh, I WISH these darn computers would CRASH already!!! I'm so bored!

erm, people register?

[lingqi]

those who have recently registered MS products

seriously - I've been at the computer thing for a while now, I have not known a SINGLE person that registered their windows. I mean, heck man - does that email list have a whole 7 recipients?

Of course, most of the replies otherwise would be like "I went from Apple to MS because I can pirate more software and play more games."

though - sadly, there is a bunch of people who are forced to use mycrudsoft. When the IT dept tells some apple die-hards that they are getting PC laptops or nothing at all, because they want to have "one platform" - though the powerbooks would actually cost less (seriously), last longer on flights, and preserve their values better. Sigh... maybe MS can base their campain on that: Switch - because we make you.

fuckers. (hmm... do I sound bitter?)

Registered users?

[porkface]

If I watch one of these ads with the knowledge that all of these people registered their software with Microsoft, I will have even less faith in their testimonials than I do in Apple's "Hey, you want to be on TV?" approach to choosing "switchers."

Re:Ellen "MS" Feiss

[Admiral Burrito]

What Microsoft needs is an Ellen Feiss equivalent. How are they going to get her if they ask for 3 years experience as a computer professional?

"I was using a Mac but, like, my friend's pirated copy of MS Office wouldn't load on it, 'cuz it was the Windows version. And I couldn't get ActiveDirectory to work.
I'm Bob, an MCSE."

Re:Switcher's Story Grammar File

[Senjutsu]

Yes, this language is recursively enumerable. But you probably meant to say regular. Recursively enumerable languages are the languages that are decidable by some Turing Machine - that includes a lot of languages. Regular languages are those that correspond to deterministic finite automata, or regexps. There are less of these. (Every regular language is also recursively enumerable, of course.)

Foghorn Leghorn says: Listen to me, I say, listen to me, son. It's, I say, It's a joke. Laugh.

Re:Mac User

[jericho4.0]

Hmmm. I should know better then to correct /.ers with UID's below a thousand.

Here are some Linux Switch Ads

[cioxx]

Linux Switch Ad 1 [ubergeek.tv]

Linux Switch Ad 2 (maybe not very funny) [chrispoindexter.com]

ok, i'm game

[Anonymous Coward]

my name is borg. i had bought a nice new iMac and had brought it home.

so i was trying to set up my new iMac to print to a printer on a remote lp queue, and i kep on getting gibberish from the printer. the first line was something like:

%!PS-Adobe-3.0

and then a bunch of gibberish. i called apple tech support, but they couldn't help me. they said it was the fault of hewlett packard. I called hewlett packard, and they said that it was apple's printer driver.

i didn't know what to do.

so, i searched on google and i found out how a bunch of people had ported some drivers from linux to OS X and could solve my problem. they seemed very helpful and knowledgable.

so i formatted the hard drive, installed gentoo linux, and was able to print within six or seven minutes of booting.

it was very cool. now i use linux for everything.

my name is borg, and now i'm a linux user. ...oh, shit. you said switch to _windows_!!

Re:Boorish site of the Week

[Draoi]

Actually, you're wrong! I checked out the site and it said;

INTERNER EXPLORER REQUIRED

I swear I'm not making this up. Check it out for yourself. Interner Explorer?? Cue seedy joke about Bill Clinton ... :-)

Dude, he's getting arrested.

[User 956]

What Microsoft needs is an Ellen Feiss equivalent.

They had one, but he got arrested [washingtonpost.com].

Re:Maybe it just works

[cHALiTO]

OK, here's one:

About a month ago I participated on a Microsoft contest here in Argentina to promote OfficeXP, in which one was supposed to download an .xls file and a .doc file, edit them (change font, add some numbers, stupid stuff like that) and upload them. I didn't get the first prize (a sony cybershot) but I won two 'microsoft officeXP' backpacks (I covered the logo, of course ;) which I must say, are really nice.

The interesting part? the files I uploaded where edited with OpenOffice for Linux ;-)

ahhh isn't irony just great?

Re:Here is a start from myself (Bill Gates)

[Equuleus42]

Here's a video clip [osdata.com] with the real Bill Gates endorsing the Macintosh platform!

Re:But, can Microsoft top THIS?

[jamesangel]

Presumably the MS version will be:

It didn't go beep beep beep. And the paper was pretty bad, and I got a bad grade.

Now I have windows; I lose all my papers at least once, and rewriting them makes them much better!

Apple Switcher Ads Now Illegal

[standards]

It turns out that Microsoft had patented the Switcher ad in January 2001! The patent is known as "Marketing Device For Informing User Of The Low Quality Of Microsoft Products".

Microsoft attempted to prevent Apple and other vendors from performing competitive marketing.

Alas, Steve Jobs believed that there was prior art, namely in the Intellevision versus Atari marketing campaign. However, Microsoft claims that the Intellivision ads (1) do not address PCs, and (2) do not address Microsoft products. And therefore the patent IS valid.

In order to exercise their patent, Microsoft is (1) suing the ass off of Apple, in hopes that no one else will switch, (2) exercising their right to promote their patent in PRO-Microsoft marketing, and (3) creating products that generate documents that cannot work on Microsoft products.

. Therefore, Apple may no longer use it's switcher ads,

Bad analogy

[Dr. Evil]

You sound like you know a lot about screwdrivers, can you help me? My screwdriver suddenly started stripping my screws. I don't understand. Did I violate my license agreement? Or did I screw in too many screws?

I asked my nephew about this, he's good with screwdrivers, and he says that it's because I'm using a cheap screwdriver and it's not compatible with my Philips screws.

I've been told that I should abandon Philips and use Torx screws in my doorframe. But Torx screws and screwdrivers aren't very common.

Help?

Re:No, YOU need a HUG.

[phatlipmojo]

Speaking of tool, do you have any idea how much of a corporate tool you are?

Says the porno maven.

GAmeZ rUl3 !!!

[beef3k]

Hello Microsoft and Bill Gates!

My name is John Jonson and I'm 17 years old. I used to have a Mac to play games on for the last 3 years, but just recently my dad sold it and bought a PC with Windows XP on it. I can only say WOW! After searching the net I found out that Windows XP can play a whole lot more games than the Mac!

I am a very professional computer user (I can send you my highscores if you like), and I would like to be part of your campaign!

Regards,
John

Now that is something I haven't seen before...

[tjwhaynes]

A web de-singer character.

Someone who is going out of their way to remove singing from the web. Does he work for RIAA? :-)

Cheers,

Toby Haynes

Re:You need a HUG, mister

[epukinsk]

Speak for yourself! I know several people who love gray '87 Volvos and wouldn't trade them in for anything.

Erik

Re:Mac User

[Peterus7]

*slightly twitchy guy*
I used to be a mac user... And it was nice, you know, the pastel colors and easy engineering of it all... But it didn't suit my personality. I mean, I 'm the type that has nervous breakdowns every few minutes if you give me too much to do, and I'm a total conformist... That's why windows is so great for me...

Re:Dude, he's getting arrested.

[alexburke]

Dude, he's getting arrested.

No, no. no. *sigh* You totally bungled the line.

Dude, you're gettin' a cell! /me bows

Super Villains switch to Linux

[mccrew]

Somehow this seems appropriate to the discussion...

Super Villains switch to Linux [ubergeek.tv] (warning: it's Flash)

-Steve (not the Steve from the animation)

Re:One size does not fit all

[Reziac]

Durned silly, in fact. And then there's how I initially misread the article above:

"Microsoft has sent out emails to those who have secretly registered MS products."

And my next thought was "We've secretly replaced your MacOS with Folger's Crystals..."

(No, I *haven't* had my morning caffeine, why do you ask?? :)

Speed

[Anonymous Coward]

Photoshop 7 - G4 dual 1Ghz opens a 120Mb map scan from LandInfo (digitized topo) in 20 seconds. Same file on my 2Ghz PC - 1.5 mins. Actions speak louder than words. People want to use PCs? SURE! Less competition. Hell, buy TWO! (you'll need em).