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Microsoft Businesses Apple

Microsoft Tries a "Switch" Campaign 1224

Posted by pudge
from the huh-huh-she-said-switching dept.
Twirlip of the Mists writes "There's a new page on Microsoft's web site that tells the first-person story of an unnamed 'freelance writer' who made the switch from the Mac to Windows XP. The author of the page -- who never identifies herself, and who could very easily be fictional or a composite sketch -- says 'Windows XP gives me more choices and flexibility.' How, you ask? Why, through Microsoft Office, Internet Explorer, and modern operating-system features like separate accounts for each user and easy access to the Internet, of course. Maybe somebody should email Microsoft and let them know that the Mac has had all of these things for years now ... nah. It'd just embarrass them. Anyway, it's an entertaining read that's good for a laugh." Update: 10/14 21:12 GMT by P : Apparently, Microsoft has taken the page down, but Google has it.
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Microsoft Tries a "Switch" Campaign

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  • yeah right (Score:5, Funny)

    by sujan (464326) on Monday October 14, 2002 @02:50PM (#4447250)
    If you can't beat'em, copy'em.
  • by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 14, 2002 @02:51PM (#4447252)
    And then like.. my computer was like... uhh... beep beep... BSOD... and like halfa my paper was gone....
  • by Matey-O (518004) <michaeljohnmiller@mSPAMsSPAMnSPAM.com> on Monday October 14, 2002 @02:52PM (#4447259) Homepage Journal
    Yes®, it's® true®. I® like® the® Microsoft® Windows® XP® operating® system® enough® to® change® my® whole® computing® world® around®.

    {Stuff deleted}
    © 2002 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
  • by RatBastard (949) on Monday October 14, 2002 @02:52PM (#4447261) Homepage
    Hey! She's not funny looking! Can't those twits at MicroSoft do anything right?
  • by scott1853 (194884) on Monday October 14, 2002 @02:52PM (#4447262)
    Their users are much better looking that the Apple ones.
  • by rocjoe71 (545053) on Monday October 14, 2002 @02:53PM (#4447273) Homepage

    Choices: You can select which security flaw to patch first.

    Flexibility: Your choice of anti-virus program.

  • Hysterical! (Score:5, Funny)

    by PCM2 (4486) on Monday October 14, 2002 @02:53PM (#4447278) Homepage
    This person claims to be a "freelance writer." It's a riot! Don't you get it?

    Don't you figure that he/she might just be the freelance writer ... that Microsoft hired to write this advertising copy?

    I love it!

  • by naNoox (223207) on Monday October 14, 2002 @02:53PM (#4447280)
    It must suck to be a "freelance writer" and to not even get a credit on your "submission" to Microsoft's site...

    Nanoox
  • Will all MS employees trolling here today please (virtually) stand up and identify yourselves so that we can mod your posts down to -1: Troll

    Thank you for your cooperation.

  • by The Pi-Guy (529892) <joshua+slashdot@ ... om minus caffein> on Monday October 14, 2002 @02:55PM (#4447294) Homepage
    my story about how Microsoft Lindows has made my life easier after switching from Windows 2000. That oughta make someone explode at M$.

    XD
    --j
  • by anonymous coword (615639) on Monday October 14, 2002 @02:55PM (#4447298) Homepage Journal
    Linux gives me more choices and flexibility.' How, you ask? Why, through OpenOffice, Mozilla, and modern operating-system features like separate accounts for each user and easy access to the Internet, of course.
  • by Capt Dan (70955) on Monday October 14, 2002 @02:56PM (#4447304) Homepage
    I like the how the technical bit about how to set up XP is prefaced by "here's the skinny".
  • by The Great Wakka (319389) on Monday October 14, 2002 @02:56PM (#4447305) Homepage Journal
    AppleWorks (previously called ClarisWorks) pales in comparison to Microsoft Office XP. There's no equivalent for the versatility of Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint®. Toolbars and menus customize themselves to the way I work. I wouldn't know how to function without the Track Changes and Comments features of Word. I adore the Office Clipboard, which copies multiple elements from one file and pastes them into another.

    Nooo! Not the hidey menu thingy! That thing drove me insane! And here it's listed as a plus? I'm sorry, what?

    All the Mac hardware--including my printer, broadband cable, Zip drive, and Palm handheld--works perfectly with my Windows-based PC.

    Really? You don't say? What about your internal hard drive? And your old applications?

    Well, really. From a company with a huge marketing budget, I expect something that isn't (1) a cheap copy of your competitor's and (2) can't be picked into little bits in 15.32 seconds.
  • by vex24 (126288) on Monday October 14, 2002 @02:56PM (#4447309) Homepage
    Part of her "testimony" is this classic line:

    My recommendation is to go straight to Windows XP Professional; the extra features for mobile users are worth it. See Which Edition is Right for You? [microsoft.com] for more information.

    Hilarious... like an actual customer would go hunt down links to recommend people buy the most expensive workstation OS they sell. God Microsoft, keep 'em coming, soon you'll be as funny as the Onion!
  • shocking. (Score:5, Funny)

    by 3prong (241218) on Monday October 14, 2002 @02:56PM (#4447315)
    This makes Ellen Feiss and baby jesus cry.
  • by sophits (590745) on Monday October 14, 2002 @02:57PM (#4447319) Homepage
    Real people don't say things like:

    I am a freelance writer; I demand the best in mobile computing.

    That just wreaks of marketing monkey dung.
  • by Jucius Maximus (229128) <zyrbmf5j4x.snkmail@com> on Monday October 14, 2002 @02:59PM (#4447344) Homepage Journal
    "If you can't beat'em, copy'em."

    So true... [all-windows.com]

  • by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 14, 2002 @02:59PM (#4447347)
    she is hot.
  • by TehF0X (616757) <root@squirrelsAUDENoup.net minus poet> on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:00PM (#4447362) Homepage
    She's also astute enough to include step by step instructions on setting up an internet connection, cuz that's what I like to tell people about when I praise their OS..
  • by Timex (11710) <<smithadmin> <at> <gmail.com>> on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:00PM (#4447363) Journal
    "Innovation"....
    ...at least that seems to be their trend-- copying what someone else has been doing, then claiming that their version is "innovative".

    <shrug>Whatever, Microsoft. Whatever.
  • by pmz (462998) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:01PM (#4447374) Homepage
    Don't forget that Microsoft was first in brain-washing their customers to actually enjoy being raped daily.
  • Re:Reload. (Score:3, Funny)

    by echophase (601838) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:02PM (#4447392)
    Hey now, i'm using IntelliSpeed(TM) technology.
  • by FooBarWidget (556006) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:03PM (#4447408)
    Seperate accounts for each user? Didn't Unix had that since the late '60s?
  • by TotallyUseless (157895) <{moc.cam} {ta} {tot}> on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:03PM (#4447411) Homepage Journal
    Im sorry, but due to slashdot rules, you cannot pick apart an argument in less than 20 seconds!
  • by WildBeast (189336) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:04PM (#4447417) Journal
    True, that's the reason why Apple switched to FreeBSD code.
  • Clearly (Score:5, Funny)

    by jjoyce (4103) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:04PM (#4447421)
    she is a freelance fiction writer.
  • by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:05PM (#4447438)
    install a service pack, 4 hot-fixes, uninstall upnp, get my MCSE, reboot a BSOD & I was on my way. Marketing tripe.
  • by slattont (609768) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:06PM (#4447449)
    They are asking for submissions of suggestions for Windows stories.......anybody have any good ones?
  • by cicatrix1 (123440) <(moc.liamg) (ta) (1xirtacic)> on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:13PM (#4447535) Homepage
    This is all I could come up with, thanks to yourdictionary.com [yourdictionary.com]. I don't understand humor, either. By the way, I am a joyless tool.
    ------

    Main Entry: (1)hu.mor
    Pronunciation: 'hyü-m&r, 'yü-
    Function: noun
    Etymology: Middle English humour, from Middle French humeur, from Medieval Latin & Latin; Medieval Latin humor, from Latin humor, umor moisture; akin to Old Norse vokr damp, Latin humEre to be moist, and perhaps to Greek hygros wet
    Date: 14th century
    1 a : a normal functioning bodily semifluid or fluid (as the blood or lymph) b : a secretion (as a hormone) that is an excitant of activity
    2 a in medieval physiology : a fluid or juice of an animal or plant; specifically : one of the four fluids entering into the constitution of the body and determining by their relative proportions a person's health and temperament b : characteristic or habitual disposition or bent : TEMPERAMENT c : an often temporary state of mind imposed especially by circumstances d : a sudden, unpredictable, or unreasoning inclination : WHIM
    3 a : that quality which appeals to a sense of the ludicrous or absurdly incongruous b : the mental faculty of discovering, expressing, or appreciating the ludicrous or absurdly incongruous c : something that is or is designed to be comical or amusing synonym see WIT
    - out of humor : out of sorts

    Main Entry: (2)humor
    Function: transitive verb
    Date: 1588
    Inflected Form(s): hu.mored; hu.mor.ing
    /'hyUm-ri[ng], 'yUm-, 'hyU-m&-, 'yU-/ 1 : to soothe or content by indulgence
    2 : to adapt oneself to
    synonym see INDULGE

    Main Entry: sat.ire
    Pronunciation: 'sa-"tIr
    Function: noun
    Etymology: Middle French or Latin; Middle French, from Latin satura, satira, perhaps from (lanx) satura dish of mixed ingredients, from feminine of satur well-fed; akin to Latin satis enough -- more at SAD
    Date: 1501
    1 : a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn
    2 : trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly
    synonym see WIT
  • by mekkab (133181) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:14PM (#4447550) Homepage Journal
    Its odd and eerie, like they are twins who are 180 degrees different, almost a mirror image...

    Hey, Mekka, ever heard of the rotate tool?

    Oh, uhm, never mind.
  • by Tofuhead (40727) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:14PM (#4447554)

    I also found that little tidbit, well, precious. It's like, "Hey, slick. I'm a cool cat and I'd like to rap with you about this smooth new deal. Now here's the skinny, man. Outta sight."

    For various other reasons, I also liked "Girl Scout's honor," "Less Dough," "And Now for the How," "accommodate my 5 foot 3 inches instead of his 6 feet," and "I discover more treats daily."

    < tofuhead >

  • by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:15PM (#4447559)

    That's a very detailed set of procedures that she kindly provided -- I wonder how many times she had to install the OS to get all that info straight?

  • by stratjakt (596332) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:17PM (#4447575) Journal
    HEY! Thats the same chick I met on IRC last night!
  • by Bouncings (55215) <`moc.redniknek' `ta' `nek'> on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:21PM (#4447618) Homepage
    No, she clearly is a free-lance writer.
    • Windows XP gives me more choices and
    • flexibility, and better compatibility with the rest of the technology world.

      ...

      I am a freelance writer; I demand the best in mobile computing.

      There's no equivalent for the versatility of Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint®. Toolbars and menus customize themselves to the way I work.
    Mobile computing? Versatility? I could swear she was the free-lance writer who wrote the mission statements of a dozen busted dot-coms. No wonder she's looking for cheaper hardware!

    I wonder if the switch helps her utilize her verticle portals too!

  • by br0ck (237309) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:23PM (#4447629)
    Do it! Use the oh-so-easy instructions for submitting your own story. Make sure you use 5 Mb attachments.

    Show Off Your Skills
    Posted: March 01, 2002 Are you a whiz at using a Microsoft product at home or in the office? Are you the one everyone comes to when they need to know how to do something? If so, we'd love to see what you can do. We're collecting ideas for articles on the Microsoft Insider Web site. Some of your work or submissions may be included in a gallery on the site, featured in press releases, or developed into how-to articles. Note: We will not feature any of your work without first receiving your permission.
    To participate, please send us:
    Your first and last name
    Name of your company or organization (if applicable)
    Brief description of your company or organization, including industry and size
    Brief description of which Microsoft product you use and how you use it
    Personal contact information, including address, phone number and e-mail address
    Samples of your work--either hard copies of your marketing materials or a Web site address where we can view your work. Please be sure to include any user names or passwords that might be needed.
    You can submit your sample(s) one of two ways:
    1. For online materials, send an e-mail message with the subject line Microsoft Publisher Customer Stories to insider@microsoft.com. (Note: Please do not send any attachments over 1 megabyte in size.)
    2. For printed materials, send hard copies to:
    Microsoft Insider Customer Stories
    Microsoft Corporation
    9931 Willows Road
    Redmond, WA 98052
    Note: We are unable to return submitted materials. Microsoft will not share the information you provide with third parties without your permission except where necessary to complete the services or transactions you have requested, or as required by law.
  • by sean23007 (143364) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:26PM (#4447656) Homepage Journal
    Actually, it reeks of marketing monkey dung; it wreaks havoc on the olfactory glands that have to smell such dung.
  • by Mignon (34109) <satan@programmer.net> on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:28PM (#4447674)
    Scene 1: Godfather Bill is sitting with his trusted goons.

    Godfather Bill: What's this I hear about one of our freelance writers using a Mac? Make her an offer she can't refuse.

    Scene 2: Anonymous writer's bedroom.

    (The anonymous writer tosses and turns in bed, and rolls over, waking up. She notices something in the bed next to her and pulls back the sheet to reveal the severed LCD screen from her beloved iMac.)

    Anonymous Writer: Aaaaah! Aaaaaah! OK, I'll switch!

  • by GMFTatsujin (239569) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:30PM (#4447685) Homepage
    Of course there's better virus protection for Windows.

    They've got way more practice writing and updating signatures.
  • by Incongruity (70416) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:30PM (#4447686)
    Being a Marketing Director, I can tell you that there is nothing surprising (or news worthy) in this story. Its simple. Competitor explains why there product is better than yours. You can either A.) Do nothing B.) Fight Back

    See, the great part is that Microsoft tried doing A and B *together*! Now that's novelty.

  • by Jucius Maximus (229128) <zyrbmf5j4x.snkmail@com> on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:30PM (#4447690) Homepage Journal
    "I so wanted to laugh at that, but it was terribly unfunny. Don't take it personally."

    If you don't understand, "C Chicken: It crosses the road without looking both ways," then I forgive you :-)

  • by anti-drew (72068) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:31PM (#4447695) Homepage
    Right on! In point of fact, there are TONS of things their computers don't do. Just the other day I opened up the case of a friend's Mac, put in a roll of undeveloped film, and waited ... but nothing happened. I mean, isn't it marketed like it's supposed to make digital photography easier?

    I'm sure that if I had shelled out the bucks for Windows XP, I would have had 5x7 prints spitting out of that little slot thingy in the front in no time!

    (Or better yet, as the unknown author [gettyimages.com] suggests, Windows XP Pro... I really didn't need that extra $110 anyway. Knowing me, I'd only spend it on hookers and booze.)

  • by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:31PM (#4447701)
    And yet you read this far, to reply to my comment? Man, if this is boring to you, then the rest of your life must suck.
  • by Brian_Ellenberger (308720) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:32PM (#4447710)
    Flame note, this is intended to be humor. I haven't gotten a chance to play with OS X, but it looks pretty cool.

    Top 10 reasons Apple is a bit like Communism

    10) Lots of cool intellectuals and artsy types seem to like it.

    9) Fun to stick it to "Evil Abusive Capitalistic Monopolies".

    8) Ton of zealots constantly proclaiming the beauty of the new revolution.

    7) Everything seems to work together easily. However, you have to give up some choice.

    6) Stores on the other side always seem better stocked and have better selections.

    5) Goal is to make life as easy and fair as possible.

    4) Hides much of the inner workings of the system so the people don't have to worry about them.

    3) Although they do not admit it, most of their competitors have used at least some of their ideas.

    2) While it looks like they were beaten in the 80's, may just be making a comeback.

    1) Given history of past practices for the "greater good", scared to death of what the world would look like if they actually took over.
  • by bmf033069 (149738) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:39PM (#4447776)
    Even better...On what seems to be the remnants of Caroline Woodham's (photographer's name just below picture):

    www.svidaho.net/~cw/index/ GIF's/Apple%20Logo.gif

    "Designed and Maintained on a Mac!"
  • by mustangdavis (583344) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:40PM (#4447780) Homepage Journal

    Their users are much better looking that the Apple ones.


    I don't know about that one ...

    Do you remember Ms. Niceass ... you know, that student teacher you had when you were in middle/high school??? Don't all teachers use Macs??? :)

    Hmmmm ... the score:
    • good looking and smart for Mac
    • one card board cut out for MS

    I think we all know who the winner is here ... especially if she'll let you "raise your grade" .... *hmmm* .... oh, excuse me!!!

    :)

  • by Lonath (249354) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:41PM (#4447793)
    Wow, that's quite an innovation. I wonder how they thought of that. I get a little tired of having to use this "root" account that came with my Linux package. It's kind of a stupid name and I wish I could change it to my name. Maybe someday Linux will have separate accounts for each user.
  • by peaworth (578846) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:42PM (#4447802)
    Hey, at least the didn't use someone who is already dead like in their letter writing campaign to the states' attorneys general.
  • by xingix (601512) <xingixNO@SPAMhotmail.com> on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:43PM (#4447808)

    I was up and running in less than one day, Girl Scout's honor.

    * Insert warm fuzzy feeling here *

  • by Whatsmynickname (557867) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:48PM (#4447861)

    Joe, an IT specialist

    Ever since we've made the switch to Windows XP, boxes have been crashing left and right and now I'm busier than I ever have been. When we were running Unix boxes, I rarely had anything to do, and that looked bad to upper management.

    Selma, a tech support team member

    You know, ever since we've replaced our Macs, we've been bombarded with user interface questions and how to get rid of that annoying Clippy. Upper management has been noticing how busy we've been lately and now we're getting more money for our department. Sweet!

  • by Charlton Heston (588481) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:50PM (#4447895) Homepage
    she can only enter a mcdonalds in disguise.

    What would that be, a fat suit?
  • by killmenow (184444) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:58PM (#4447996)
    I can hear it now...

    Apple: Stop copying us!

    Microsoft: Stop copying us!

    Apple: Bitch!
  • by guttentag (313541) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:58PM (#4448002) Journal
    • The woman in the picture looks like she's in the middle of a commercial for a yeast-infection or genital-herpes remedy. "With Windows, I don't have to be afraid to tell people what operating system I use. And that's a weight off my shoulders, so I can spend more time enjoying life."
    • "It's about more and better." Wow. That's substantial and profound. I thought she said she was a "professional writer."
    • Most of the page is devoted to explaining how to use wizards. If you need to explain how to use your wizards, your need to fire your usability team.
    • She finishes her pitch by talking about installing drivers and finding more programs to convert her Mac documents every day: "I discover more treats daily. For example, Word Converters are helping me transfer old document files, Microsoft Works files, and even AppleWorks files. It will be an ongoing process, but I'm thrilled so far." In other words, she still hasn't been able to convert all her documents, and she expects it to be a long, ongoing process... and this is why Windows is "better?"
    Personally, I don't think Microsoft wrote this. I think someone from Saturday Night Live broke into the MS server room and uploaded this.
  • by CoolVibe (11466) on Monday October 14, 2002 @03:59PM (#4448010) Journal
    Yeah indeed... What have we *nix users got?

    Old people with large beards?

    Hmm.... That Ritchie guy sure is sexy. Donchathink? ;-)

  • by gosand (234100) on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:00PM (#4448025)
    OMFG, that was hilarious! The underlying message was "Microsoft makes switching from bad ol' expensive Macintosh to their happy, puppy friendly technologically superior Windows XP platform so easy, even a dumb girl like me can do it. Tee-hee."

    How low can you get? Does anyone really BELIEVE this story? I sure hope not.

    But at the end of the article, there are forms in PDF and Word (natch) where you can send in YOUR experiences with Windows. Come on Slashdotters, fill them out and send them in! PDF [microsoft.com] and Word [microsoft.com]

    Here is the text of the document. It gets better...

    Show Off Your Skills

    Are you a whiz at using a Microsoft product at home or in the office? Are you the one everyone comes to when they need to know how to do something? If so, we'd love to see what you can do.

    A whiz? ha ahaha I think they mean wiz. Oh brother.

    We're collecting ideas for articles on the Microsoft Insider Web site. Some of your work or submissions may be included in a gallery on the site, featured in press releases, or developed into how-to articles.

    This just in: Microsoft invents user-friendly HOWTO documents.

    Note: We will not feature any of your work without first receiving your permission.

    And having you sign away the rights to any experience you may have, or have had in the past to the sole ownership of Microsoft.

    To participate, please send us:
    Your first and last name
    Name of your company or organization (if applicable)
    Brief description of your company or organization, including industry and size
    Brief description of which Microsoft product you use and how you use it
    Personal contact information, including address, phone number and e-mail address
    Samples of your work--either hard copies of your marketing materials or a Web site address where we can view your work. Please be sure to include any user names or passwords that might be needed.

    WTF???

    You can submit your sample(s) one of two ways:
    1. For online materials, send an e-mail message with the subject line Microsoft Publisher Customer Stories to insider@microsoft.com. (Note: Please do not send any attachments over 1 megabyte in size.)

    Or with any malicious VBscripts attached


    2. For printed materials, send hard copies to:
    Microsoft Insider Customer Stories Microsoft Corporation 9931 Willows Road Redmond, WA 98052 Microsoft will not share the information you provide with third parties without your permission except where necessary to complete the services or transactions you have requested, or as required by law.

  • by taniwha (70410) on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:02PM (#4448045) Homepage Journal
    but 'her' name is on there - look at the dialoig box - she's really 'Don Funk' (donfu@microsoft.com) .... and as has been pointed out below Don chose his photo from some publically available stock photos so that he could show a little more of his feminine side
  • by American AC in Paris (230456) on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:06PM (#4448094) Homepage
    "AppleWorks (...) pales in comparison to Microsoft Office XP." - isn't there Office X ?

    Yes, there is. It's very much like Office XP, but without the pee that comes with with the Windows version...

  • by Call Me Black Cloud (616282) on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:08PM (#4448120)
    I wrote her, expressed my sympathies at her unfortunate un-feminine name, and congratulated her on the apparent success of her modeling career. I hope she writes back...I'd like to enhance her user experience even more...
  • by Anonvmous Coward (589068) on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:09PM (#4448123)
    "she is hot."

    Insightful? heh. Too bad I can't meta-moderate that mod as 'sarcastic'.
  • by Ektanoor (9949) on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:11PM (#4448143) Journal
    Importing Messages. I upgraded to Outlook when I installed Office XP. I chose Yes when Outlook asked whether I wanted to import messages from Outlook Express. Later, I had to uninstall and reinstall Outlook, but all was not lost.

    Hmmm. In the way she writes her excitement on using this piece of crap, it looks she is another outlooker that says yes, Yes, YES to every Klez juicy flavour and every LOVE YOU letter... Probably the new, fresh and exciting BugBears will make her dreams sweet... I imagine the ride of joy she'll have when some Barby/Trojan will salute her in one more of these exciting [censured] M$ gifts...
  • by slagdogg (549983) on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:12PM (#4448149)
    and easy access to the Internet, of course.

    With Windows, I had to go through ... like ... three ... or like ... four menus to find the "automatically configure my network" button. With Linux, it's like ... I just need to add 'iface eth0 inet dhcp' in /etc/network/interfaces and a couple of ifconfig commands later, I'm up and running ... like, it's so easy!

  • Re:Reality (Score:3, Funny)

    by vex24 (126288) on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:14PM (#4448165) Homepage
    Don't you think there are people as similarily pleased with Linux that would appear in ads if given half a chance?

    Would seeing CowboyNeal on your tv make you want to switch?
  • by Lethyos (408045) on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:14PM (#4448170) Journal
    Here's what I submitted as my XP switch story. :-)

    You can use my personal photo from this web page:

    http://delivery.gettyimages.com/comp/AA046139.JP G? x=x&dasite=GETTYIMAGES&dareq=1A0C1F181E0
    80314025 D2337394D32324055454243585F414E

    My name is Linda Lee and here's my story!

    "WindowsXP is great!"

    OKay, I admit it! I've been a Linux user for years! You know, one of
    those communists who thinks that everything should be free and forgets
    to use deoderant. Recently, I was reading a totally unbiased
    technical article in a magazine that informed me that the competition
    just cannot stand up to Microsoft's (r) Windows (r) XP operating
    system.

    Let me tell you how lost I have been all these years, using free,
    open-source software! What a waste of my life! As soon as I read
    about all the great features, I threw some clothes on (shoes too!) and
    ran out to my nearest CompUSA to buy a copy of Microsoft (r) Windows
    (r) XP Professional for about 400$US. I got home, ripped the
    shrink-wrap off, read over the draconian EULA (I don't mind giving up
    some freedoms, Windows (r) is just too great), and immediately got to
    installing.

    After installation, I was unable to activate my copy of Microsoft (r)
    Windows (r) XP. Sure, there was a little hic-up here, but after all,
    you sometimes have to make sacrifices for quality! After about a
    month of not being able to use my computer, customer support finally
    just said I could use a "back-door" activation code. How wonderful
    that Microsoft are helping me out at their own peril!

    It only took me about three months to get me up and running! Girl
    Scout's honor!

    More Crashes, Less Work

    Microsoft (r) Windows (r) XP lets me relax more through my busy work
    day. With continuous crashes and reboots, I can spend more time
    sipping coffee than doing my job! Microsoft (r) Windows (r) XP also
    ensures that the work I do manage to get done is of the highest
    possible quality. I demand that I be empowered to rewrite a document
    I lost four times so I can be certain that it is very refined.

    More Software Flexibility

    Previously, I had access to hundreds of thousands of free software
    products. But they were free, and we all know that anything that's
    free is worth nothing! Now I can go out and spend anywhere from 50$US
    to 5000$US dollars on a box with a CD-ROM disc in it! With a cost
    like that, it ought to be some really good software!

    Final Comments

    If it wasn't for Microsoft (r) Windows (r) XP, I wouldn't bathe, use
    deoderant, or wear clothes all day. I would just sit around and
    stink, rotting in my house, getting fat! Thanks to my switch to
    Windows (r), I'm healthy and have a great life! Thanks Microsoft (r)!
  • by taniwha (70410) on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:23PM (#4448263) Homepage Journal
    I should add that not only is she a guy .... but also he has obviously managed to make it through the Girl Scouts .... obviously his teenage years were either a lot of fun .... or seriously confused .... I'm just waiting for the GSA suit against M$ for either misusing their trademark .... or sneaking a boy into a troop
  • by taniwha (70410) on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:26PM (#4448286) Homepage Journal
    The fact that Don made it all the way through the Girl Scouts with his 'honor' intact is pretty amazing ....
  • The fact that every component in a mac laptop except the CPU is superior to my windows laptop, DOES NOT MATTER!

    The fact that the networking makes Windows XP look like it's from the 80's DOES NOT MATTER!

    The fact that apple has had a connection faster than USB2.0 for the past three years, DOES NOT MATTER!

    The fact the LCD is clearly better, and the fonts on a mac are arguably better, DOES NOT MATTER!

    The fact the OS seamlessly supports every component on the laptop with no quirks, DOES NOT MATTER!

    The fact the laptops are silent except for the hard drive, DOES NOT MATTER!

    When will you apple dorks realize the only important possession a man has is the MHZ of his CPU. Everything else comes second, even when the CPU speed causes me to sacrafice something from every other component on the system.

    CPU MHZ IS GOD!!!!~~~~
  • by Uttles (324447) <uttlesNO@SPAMgmail.com> on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:27PM (#4448300) Homepage Journal
    "resistance is futile" campaign?
  • by jedidiah (1196) on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:30PM (#4448323) Homepage
    He may not look like much, but his stays up longer.
  • by lynx_user_abroad (323975) on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:30PM (#4448324) Homepage Journal
    Speaking of which...

    I saw an ad on TV last night for some PC maker who's got some sort of PC with a long neck and a flat panel, just like an Apple and comparing the two.

    The funny thing was, they never showed the PC turned on. I guess they had to do something to keep it from crashing during the filming of the ad.

  • by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:30PM (#4448328)
    Also, in response to the posters above who remarked that she is so much better looking than the women in the Mac ads: I'll bet the picture shown is not the writer of the article.

    I'll second that bet. Here at Comcast, we've got all sorts of pictures on our intranet sites of people, who seem to look like models trying to look like regular employees. It's funny though, that I've never seen one of these people in person.

    So the other day I was walking on the ground floor of the building, and I could see inside of the First Union bank we've got here also. What do I see but some random FU ad, showing the same old bitch I keep seeing on the entrance to our intranet site!

    These lazy companies can't even get original clip art.
  • by MoneyT (548795) on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:40PM (#4448401) Journal
    No, they didn't use the royalty free one, they already owned the licence to that photo because it was created on a windows based system and automaticaly subjected to DRM.
  • by tswinzig (210999) on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:45PM (#4448450) Journal
    She never claimed to be an EDITOR.
  • by BassettHound (595956) on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:47PM (#4448469)
    that's weird...
  • by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 14, 2002 @04:57PM (#4448562)
    Who wants the honor of letting Photodisc know about this alleged copyright violation... If only there were some hardware protection to keep such (alleged) things from happening...
  • by Glanz (306204) on Monday October 14, 2002 @05:10PM (#4448647)
    Yes indeed!! XP is more interesting too! You get to use software that cannot be deleted, no matter how hard you try! That's an advantage if you have mean little kids who like to delete stuff. And you get to use soft that you would never see on a secure system, like snortin' Norton Anti-creepy-crawlies, and McLaughee laughware. You get to download patches every week too! What fun, especially on a 56K connection. And the best of all is that you get to contribute to a monopoly owned by a megalomanic wimp and presided over by a balding red-neck, lying, rather Ballmy type who loves to dance on stage and lie about Open Source, spread FUD and crush the competition illegally! Yes indeed, M$ is more fun.
  • by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 14, 2002 @05:11PM (#4448656)
    it's only because someone had the thermostat turned up too high at the studio.
  • by valmont (3573) on Monday October 14, 2002 @05:12PM (#4448660) Homepage Journal

    Ellen Feiss is *hot* [earthlink.net]. Google sez so. and lots of fan clubs [gloriousnoise.com] have developed [flatsoda.com] throughout the web. heh. Go Ellen :)

  • MS just pulled that ad, and it's not in the Google cache.
    Anyone got a copy they can upload somewhere (or email it to me, i'll handle it)?
  • by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 14, 2002 @05:15PM (#4448692)


    If you say "I'm not homophobic" it doesn't magically make it true. Especially if you follow it up with harsh invectives like "fag(got)".

    shuddup ya choad-smoking, butt-banging, cum-slurping fruitcake.

  • by jaysones (138378) on Monday October 14, 2002 @05:18PM (#4448707)
    NEWSFLASH: Slashdot readers not persuaded by Microsoft advertising. In other news, pigs remain wingless.
  • by Anonvmous Coward (589068) on Monday October 14, 2002 @05:21PM (#4448741)
    "Linux isn't living up to any of the claims that MS or Apple are making."

    LOL!!

    I can see the Linux ads now:

    "So.. like, I bought this Firewire Video camera, and I like shot some footage of my dog and stuff... and like when I plugged the camera into my Linux laptop.. uh.. well it didn't work. So first I went to find a firewire driver. And uh.. well I couldn't find one of those, but I find a kernel update that had firewire support. So I downloaded and recompiled and typed this in and that in and that kind of worked. Then.. then I had to find a free-app that'd do DV-capture and editing. After a few days of posting news groups, I eventually did find one that sort of worked. Of course, I had to fix a bug or two for it to be useful. But hey! It's free!! Isn't that the great thing about Open Source? Fixes happen like really really fast. Anyway, so I sort of got that running... and uh now I can get video from my camera to my laptop. It only took a few weeks! So like there's no way I'm going back to Windows now because I put all this damn effort into this and finally got it working.

    My name is Ronald and I'm a Linux Zealot."


    It's a joke, laugh.
  • Why bother? (Score:5, Funny)

    by DaveOMatic (557945) on Monday October 14, 2002 @05:48PM (#4448964)
    I think the Apple switch campaign was the best advertising they could have gotten. Every time I see one of those smug, smarmy bastards talking about why they switched, it just makes me cling to my cvrappy Windows box more, out of spite. It's like those "The Truth" anti-smoking ads, that make you want to start going at a pack a day, just to shut the little punks up.
  • by KillerKane (260666) on Monday October 14, 2002 @05:56PM (#4449023)
    "I'm not saying that MS products are better than Apple products--just that the advertising is MUCH more intelligent."

    Oh, right. I forgot that XP will enable me to fly. Madonna told me so.

    Yeesh.

  • Don Funk (Score:2, Funny)

    by Kashif Shaikh (575991) on Monday October 14, 2002 @05:57PM (#4449032)
    Look at the article 'she' shows an example of a file open box .... obviously her real name is 'Don Funk' and quick google search shows 'her' email address is 'donfu@microsoft.com'

    Even more interesting..."Don Funk" is used in microsoft examples(i.e. msdn code snippets). Here is one showing Microsoft's repadmin.exe(diagnoses replication problems between Windows 2000 domain controllers):

    repadmin /showmeta "cn=Don Dunk,ou=Marketing,dc=microsoft,dc=com" server1.microsoft.com

    Funny, isn't it? Make your own conclusions!
  • by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 14, 2002 @05:59PM (#4449042)
    X is definitely one of the reasons I use windows XP...
  • by susano_otter (123650) on Monday October 14, 2002 @05:59PM (#4449044) Homepage
    If that's the true definition of "capitalism", why is it kept so quiet that even bringing it up makes you sound like some sort of fringe nutjob?
  • Explanation (Score:3, Funny)

    by sg3000 (87992) <sg_public.mac@com> on Monday October 14, 2002 @06:26PM (#4449243)
    > Update: 10/14 21:12 GMT by P: Apparently,
    > Microsoft has taken the page down, but Google
    > has it.

    She must have switched back
  • by VB (82433) on Monday October 14, 2002 @08:20PM (#4449888) Homepage


    I realize M$ took the article down, but is the preferred method of submitting insider article ideas still via the following document links:

    - or -

    Would they prefer you just take over one of Micro$oft's IIS servers and replace the c:\wwwroot\ with your story content? Is there a code-redify wizard available to automate the process of taking 0wn3r5h1p of an IIS server, or does this have to be done manually? Thanks if someone knows...

  • by aussersterne (212916) on Monday October 14, 2002 @10:06PM (#4450589) Homepage
    Here dad is helping figure out what "fatal error in krnl32.dll means". Say, isn't that a mac they're using?

    Ha! It is indeed. It looks like an LC. The keyboard is an Apple Extended Keyboard. That's too funny... You'd think with a budget like Microsoft's, they could at least avoid promoting the competition in their ads...
  • by sinserve (455889) on Monday October 14, 2002 @11:19PM (#4451011)
    Tale of two WAH!! I had that for a reading assignment, back in college
    and I couldn't paraphrase a friken paragraph in it, so I red the Cliff Notes.

  • by stinky wizzleteats (552063) on Monday October 14, 2002 @11:37PM (#4451074) Homepage Journal

    Yeah, and if all the bad press fails, we can always bring the Microsoft marketing machine to a complete standstill by slashdotting getty images.

  • by tobyvoss (584427) on Tuesday October 15, 2002 @04:30AM (#4452115)
    written by professional marketers
    I wouldn't neither call that professional writing nor marketing.

    the last few paragraphs
    ... sound like "MSIE/Outlook for Super-Dummies and wizard-wussies".

    Four more interesting little bits from the "Article":
    • A .jpg of the beautiful Apple(TM)-Command(TM)-Key(TM) symbol(TM) is used, no credits given. Sue' em, Apple!
    • Fictional "writer-"person offers Girl Scout's honor, then starts whoring cheaply and shamelessly. Would you want someone like that helping you cross the street? Stop poisoning cultural values, M$oft!
    • Fictional "writer-"person admits having to uninstall and reinstall Outlook on her PC without explaining why. What do we make of that in this advertising context? Is it a "feature" that you have to uninstall/reinstall ever so often?
    • The "Editor's Note" at the end sould read:
      Now that we've successfully converted our reader to a Windows PC
      instead of writer. HARHAR!

    Why am I helping these idiots improve? I must be hoping they don't read this...
  • by anandcp (617121) <anandcp&tatanova,com> on Tuesday October 15, 2002 @07:13AM (#4452434)
    The Borg are known for their perfection and adaptive systems! Depicting Gates as Borg is downright insulting to the Borg Collective.

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